Persecuted in Dreams?
Quite some time ago, over twenty years, I had graduated from college and was spending some time at my parents’ house in Washington, D.C. I was in that place of “so I graduated, now what?” (To tell the truth I’m pretty much still in that place twenty years later, that’s another story though!) Anyway, it was at this time that, over a period of a couple of weeks, I had a series of experiences which disturbed me greatly at the time, and which I still often remember and wonder about.
It was one of those “spiritual awakening” type periods which many people experience. I started reading a variety of religious and/or occult materials, from Zen Buddhism to Hinduism, esoteric Christianity to Carlos Castaneda. I should mention here that I’ve always had a tendency to have vivid dreams, sometimes startlingly so. Sometimes I would have dreams that were like very intense but bizarre blockbuster movies. Sometimes I would have dreams that were multilayered, like dreams within dreams, and I would wake up feeling as if I had been away somewhere experiencing long adventures, much too long to fit into a single night. I had begun a dream journal to help me remember my dreams more clearly.
So when I ran across Carlos Castaneda’s discussion of lucid dreams (don’t recall which book) it was very appealing to me. I decided I wanted to start having lucid dreams. If anyone is unfamiliar with the concept, a lucid dream is a dream in which you “wake up” within the dream, become aware that you are dreaming, and (possibly) are able to take control over the dream and have power in the dream-world. Castaneda suggests an exercise to help you wake up in your dreams. (I won’t mention the exercise and I suggest not to try it.)
After trying it for awhile I seemed to be having some success and I would occasionally “wake up” inside my dreams. I remember the first time it happened, all I was dreaming about was walking down the sidewalk when I woke up in the dream and felt something like power and serenity. It seemed like a positive thing. I had a couple more dreams of this sort, but then the experience began to take on a darker cast.
Sometimes, after I had woken up in the dream, the dream would start to “change,” in a way which I couldn’t control, and which definitely didn’t seem positive. For example, one time my body started to mutate into something horrible. My hands were tiny round things and the fingers became extremely long, like I had a couple of giant daddy longlegs attached to the end of my arms. And it seemed like I would start waking up in the dream whether I “tried” to or not.
I dropped the dream-experiment idea and tried to focus on other stuff. I would still have occasional disturbing dreams of that sort but they were less frequent and less intense and seemed to be fading. It was not long after that – maybe a week or two – that I began to have other dreams of a very different sort. I call them “dreams” because I’m not sure what else to call them, but when they were happening, I always seemed to be entirely awake. (I can remember several times doing that thing of “checking” to see if you’re really awake, and I always thought: YES, I am awake.) The basic experience was that I was lying in bed, somehow completely unable to move and something would be happening in the room which would range from merely physical impossible to straight-up terrifying. Of course since then I’ve seen many stories similar to this but at the time I had no idea this was a semi-common human experience.
One time I was lying in bed paralyzed and a pile of clothes on my dresser began to “climb” up the wall by folding and unfolding themselves. Sometimes I would hear a voice in the room. I heard a strange guttural voice which said something incomprehensible. I heard my mother’s voice but somehow I knew it wasn’t my mother but something “using” her voice. Sometimes I would see bright shapes and colors in patterns in the room, like strange forces of energy going through unknown permutations. This wasn’t always explicitly scary, sometimes just extremely weird, even beautiful in a way, though there was always an undercurrent of fear due to the loss of control. The most vivid of these was the time I saw giant luminous fishes swimming in the air over my bed. The fishes seemed quite harmless, kind of cool actually.
Mostly though the experiences had a very negative feeling. The basic feeling was that I was powerless and something was happening that COULD NOT be happening, something just inherently wrong. Something was violating the rules of Nature and was doing it deliberately to cause fear in me. It definitely had the feeling of being somehow “calculated” for effect, which was the most disturbing thing about it. This negative feeling came to dominate more and more as the “dreams” continued. Once, while I was lying there paralyzed I felt small hands coming up through my mattress, poking and prodding me in the back in various places.
The worst one: I was lying in bed, paralyzed again and scared of whatever was going on in the room when I suddenly I felt that my sister was standing by my bed. She took my hand and said soothing things, apparently to try to help me through my experience. I lay there for awhile, grateful for this aid, though it seemed strange that it would have come from my sister. She was five years older than me and we were never close, we somehow never really connected emotionally somehow. How odd that my sister of all people would be the one to come to my aid at a time like this! Then I realized: It COULDN’T be my sister because she wasn’t even in town, in fact she was on the opposite side of the continent. Then I realized: I never even looked at who was holding my hand, what made me assume it was my sister? I made a great effort to move my head and look. What I saw was more or less literally the most horrible thing I could possibly see. It was a hideously shriveled, almost mummy-like creature with a totally inhuman face and cold reflective orbs instead of eyes. (If anyone has seen that old Star Trek episode, The Man Trap, it looked almost exactly like the monster in that episode, which just happened to scare the wits out of me when I was a kid.) When I saw the creature that had hold of my hand I was paralyzed again with fear: at that moment it raised my hand to its mouth, and bit off two of my fingers. (Then I woke up.)
Gradually these experiences became less frequent and intense. I really can’t remember if there was any pivotal event that made it start to lessen in intensity. It just became less and less frequent until I basically felt I was past it, although I would still, very occasionally, have the experience again, but never as intense as during that initial time. Eventually it seemed to stop altogether, although nowadays I actually rarely remember my dreams, so it’s hard to say for sure. Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this account.
Sent in by Byron_O, Copyright 2010 TrueGhostTales.com