JWard at Ararat, the site of an asylum for the criminally insane, a place abandoned now by time, but not by the living who like to visit the inhabitants.. the ghosts of trouble past. I arrived with a group of seven other people on a �ghost tour�, we had gadgets: cameras, K2s, thermometers and ghost radars, and curiosity of course, would anything interesting happen tonight, as it had in the past?
After a brief introduction to the history of the place we were introduced to the mystery by a parapsychologist who was acting as our guide. I can�t say it was the most interesting talk, and leading us into the west wing first, the place that frightens her the most, is understandable I suppose, given that it was only just dark .. but I would have preferred to do it the other way around .. explore the kitchen and the Governor�s bathroom first and then go in the spooky bits .. only tonight it wasn�t spooky at all, and no matter how much we asked, whistled or threw marbles (actually what happened to those marbles?) we got little or no response � until we went out into the garden, and the parapsychologist really wanted me to go out in the garden .. because there had been a cold spot over the graves of three men .. I think .. on one of her previous trips around the yard, and she wanted me to check it out?
So I went out �wide open�, which is a quick way of saying that I went out expecting to meet ghosts, with all my senses open to receive input .. but what I received was not three men, no, it was one small frightened desperately broken little girl.
Annalise. How do I start the story of Annalise? How do I describe what I saw and felt and heard with any depth that you can even grasp the horror of what I saw done to her? How it ripped me to shreds as I tried to hold her shade in my arms …?
And so I went out into the garden, following along with the others on the tour, but by the time I made it to the central area I knew there was a problem, but not yet what it was. A quiet young female voice asked �you can see me?� I said yes, and started to tune in .. only to the caught up in a tidal wave of emotion, fear, pain, as if some huge entity was trying to overwhelm me and drag me down to the ground, literally, as the entity tried to climb up my chest and pull its poor broken body up to standing height – to prove its humanity? �I�m human.� I said �I know you are,� as I grabbed a nearby table, frantic to unload the equipment in my hands, the camera around my neck, before it all landed on the ground, along with me, mentally begging the entity, so intense a force, to
�Wait! Wait! Wait! I can�t do this. Wait!� The equipment hit the table and I grabbed the post as my grounding went to hell and the something begged me to
�STOP THE PAIN. STOP THE PAIN. PLEASE STOP THE PAIN. YOU HAVE TO STOP THE PAIN. I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE.�
Annalise. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes even now. Overwhelming, staggering, emotion washed through me, struggled to communicate with me, struggled to hold on, to be recognised, to be remembered. To be remembered. Not forgotten. �They forgot me. They forgot me� , the voice in my mind getting louder and more frantic, and the waves of pain .. the memory of the waves of pain, not the actual feeling, kept overwhelming my senses and I could not get my grounding back. I could not anchor my energy back to earth, literally rocking on my feet, while I struggled to support the girl I could sense but couldn�t see, control was .. gone. I had to get a handle on the situation and the energy and her and me, and then my logical mind kicked in, thank you angels, I had to ground.
�Seek the dominant energy�, said a soft voice. Dominant energy? Not the strongest, the leader .. easy, I called �DEAN FIND ME�. He�s the leader of the group. I couldn�t see him in the dark, but he found me fast and I grabbed his arm and hung on seeking to ground through his body, without draining a drop of his energy. I am not a vampire, though I am more than capable of being so. I grounded, only to get thrown out of balance by another wave of the same intensity as the girl connected to the new energy source against my will, and Dean felt it and I jerked my hand away from him again. He didn�t need to suffer what I was going through to feed a lost soul, but I had enough energy for a moment, and we did get a name for her finally �
Ann .. Anna .. something like that.
Somewhere around then I reconnected to Dean�s energy in an attempt to reground while Annalise continued to drag energy from me. Then I felt her distress, her growing discord .. �Male?� (little voice) �MALE�, (bigger voice) �MALE, NO! NO! NO!� Screaming, and the images flooded through and I saw them, I saw what they did to her, and how .. and oh God, Oh God Annalis. Too much, baby, too much, I�m so sorry. I broke the connection with Dean and told him to RUN AWAY! And I meant it, and bless him, he did it without asking why. Annalis had gone insane in my arms again, but I still needed to ground and get her more energy, trying to calm her, trying to contain her .. God help me. So I called Rose. �ROSE FIND ME�. And she did.
I think it was Dean that said Annalis .. but it was Rose who said Annaleese .. rhymes with cheese. I said the name out loud and it strengthened the connection, as if it wasn�t hard enough to manage!
I connected to Rose�s energy and the two of us were finally a match for Annalise. I�ll only mention briefly me crying out in pain and fear and literally sobbing on Rose�s shoulder as Annalise�s energy continued to overrun my sense of control and flooded out through my body. Even through all of that emotion, fear and pain, I could still ground through Rose, and without the child panicking, I drew energy from Source and filled her up and started to calm her down .. it was struggle, and she was still caught up in the horrendous nightmare of her death, but we had a chance now .. so I asked for her angel, who came .. and – her name was Rose. I didn�t think, I said �Annalise FIND Rose�, and she did, only the Rose she found was the living one, hooked onto her back .. stupid decision, I was still so overwhelmed by all of it. I realised the mistake the moment it happened, paused long enough to think and then slid a shield down between Rose and Annalise, leaving only her hands touching Rose�s shoulders, FOUND her Rose (angel), asked her Rose to connect to Annalise, told Annalise to FIND her angel, forced her to really, and then disconnected the living Rose from the energy, and stood there shaking while Annalise tried to argue with an angel. But she was connected to source now, so no matter what she said or did, things would be all right. My will, my choice, not hers.
We left them with angel Rose�s arms wrapped tightly around Annalise keeping her calm as all that tsunami of emotion kept flooding through her. The angels know what to do. And we, we have to reconnect to the real world, wondering where we are and how much time has passed in the doing? And then go back inside and talk about nothings as if someone had not died in our arms and been reborn into spirit. That�s how it feels each time I do one of these totally intense rescues. Dear God, Annalise, at least you are all right now.
Let me finish the story, which does not have nearly enough details of what happened in my experiences with her, with how she died. She was kidnapped by two big tall brutal dirty ugly men, was raped by each of them more than once, and brutalised, and then killed by being beaten to death, not with fists, on no, with heavy sticks, starting at her feet and working over her whole body. When she first touched me that is what I saw .. every bone broken. I don�t know when she died in the process, but it was not very quickly. She was somewhere between 13 and 15 years old, and it happened over 100 years ago.
One thing I think we are lucky for. If Annalise had had the strength to get past her pain, into anger, she would have been a nightmare of a ghost. She had so much power. I�m glad she didn�t go that way. People would have thought her a demon, but she wasn�t, she was simply a child.
The word FIND is a command, a demand for an energy connection, which I used for the first time on living humans. I appreciate very much that they both came when I called, without question, and let go when I said leave. I will remember that.
And then I went inside and sat among the living and the parapsychologist asked me �have you ever been tested� .. ROFL
Love & Peace