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The Ground of Hell

Posted on October 6, 2009

At the end of 2007 I had been staying at my aunts house. If I wasn’t there I was next door at a friends. At that time I was doing drugs, and so were the rest of the group around. Into the beginning of the year I started to see a
man I met at my friends house next door. We hit it off and started to love each others company more and more. We would laugh for hours, talk, and to me I didn’t want him to leave.

One evening, with a house full of people, my friend told me not to let anyone in the house while he was gone. Of course, I did as I was instructed. Someone came to the door asking for my friends son and he had gone up the
street to his grandmothers. I wouldn’t open the door for her to come inside, so she probably got the notion that she wasn’t welcomed.

She told my friends son and he immediately came over to where I was and made it clear that I did not own this house and it was his dads. I wouldn’t let his friend in and I could just leave. In tear I grabbed my things and went
next door to my aunts. When my friend returned he was told of what happened.

The man I was interested in made sure I knew that everyone took up for me, but I was upset and really not pleasant about returning back over next door. This man and I set it up over txt messaging that he would pick me up later on that night and we would go somewhere and party. We ended staying together after that night. He was wonderful and made me laugh all the time. Something I hadn’t experienced in a long time, and I know it wasn’t drug induced. We laughed too much and too frequently for it to be drugs.

Three to four months of us being inseparable, I began to have second thoughts on us moving in together. The drugs worried me, I did not want to go to jail, and events with people began to put stress on both him and I. I
then started to feel out of place and I remember having thoughts that weren’t normal. At first they weren’t so much as everyday. Slowly I began to become paranoid of friends I always was around.

Before I go further, many times in the past I did drugs and used them in amounts larger to what I was at this time. To go ahead and let be known of the drugs: Methamphetamine and Marijuana. It is known that meth users can
experience mental illnesses after use in large amounts in long periods of time. This didn’t explain why and what really happened. With music, television, and conversations it seemed like I was becoming flooded with
thoughts surrounding anything involved. Music and television started to become first a normal thought of things I related to and things that I have seen or patterns.

The patterns was always with numbers and words. I am not good with numbers at all. I can do the basics but cannot go beyond there. I loved to write poetry and I did read, somewhat. I loved to relate to music as if it was a
description of me or someone I knew. People who acted in TV became a pattern also. People that had features of those on the TV and their names. With in three – four days time I recall a blur of thoughts leading up to this
horrible event.

The night before this tragic memory, I don’t remember thinking of the patterns but I recall being distant and a bad vibe off the group I was around. One of the first episodes I had was at the beginning of this relationship. At a friends house reading the paper, I started to take the initials of names in the paper and connect them back to someone I know. I said something to my girlfriend and she replied I was crazy. Which I still completely think I am.

That ex. above was just one of the crazy insane thoughts I can remember. The following day after the night of feeling out of place, me, my man, and a friend went to a house to look at furniture to buy. I flipped my wig and started to do math equations in my head. Finally I couldn’t take it and begun to tell them to my friend. The numbers led to letters and rhymes and then a big scramble combination of it all. I completely went mad.

My man just laughed at me, but when he did I started to feel terrified. Why was I thinking this and I have to stop. By that night I finally put myself in bed. The occurrence of the rhymes and numbers circled my head for a week or so before I started to forget them. I told the man I was with that I wanted to go back home for a little while. I needed it. He ended up leaving me behind and taking the statement of I wanted to go home as it was over. With my breakdown and things I began to remember, it devastated me.

When I first met the man I was dating and hanging out with a friend, I remember seeing peoples eyes that were nothing but black. Being on meth I know I assured myself that it was an effect. But I then remember seeing their eyes filled with nothing but black and emptiness and seeing their eye color. It happened all within the same day. Since then I’ve looked for the empty eyes and not seen one pair. I did see people’s eyes change color. The first person I recognized I thought, Oh it was probably their shirt color they had on last time I seen them, and they’re two toned.

It was more than just one person though and it was also my eyes too. My dad noticed it one day and he is drug free. My eyes are hazel and always had a hunter green tint to them. That day I was wearing brown and the color in my eyes seemed like a deep blue but vivid in the shade. My dad looked at me and said, “What’s wrong with your eyes?” I replied, “I don’t know, why?”

“They look blue, a bright bluish-greenish.”

CRAZY, I AM.

From a story I read on here about dreams of demons, and events that felt like, or seemed like a possession of a demon, she mentioned the black hallow eyes and something else I experienced. Whispers. It seemed to people around me. Sometimes these things where said but I never told them of this. At home with my parents, I stayed in my room and cried. Over the mental incapabilities I was having (hearing voices), my flip out, and the man I was seeing not having a thing to do with me. I missed him but I never seen myself crying nonstop over him and not being with him for more than six months.

When I finally decided to come around again, I couldn’t deal with my current fight with my sanity and continue to use meth. I used less more and more everyday. Being around friends seemed different. They always had a look on their face or in their eye that wasn’t normal or their own. It was darker, evil, and scary. When I looked in the mirror at times I saw it too. So, I still think I’m crazy.

This one right here happened while I was sober, and almost fully recovered. My thoughts and feeling were coming back into a sense of normal. I started to see my ex (first love) again and having sex one night in his car, I almost had a heart attack. That soul shaking scare you feel when walking alone outside at night and something jumps out or makes a sound. Your heart falls into your stomach and freeze still and are wide eyed. I leaned back and looked at his face.

When he glanced up at me, I saw something far from sane, and normal. The eyes of a snake glaring back at me, almost glowing. I thought I was gonna die of shock. I never again have saw those eyes and wish not to. They were piercing. The expression on my ex’s face was one I had seen a few times on another. An angry, disgusted, glare with one eye brow cocked up. If looks could kill, this surely would have been the night to.

Sometimes now, I feel as if I cannot control my words. I don’t hear anything, think anything too crazy, or try to notice anything with eyes, or anything for that matter. It just sometimes, I don’t do or say what I am intending to. At the last minute, something odd, and weird happens. My word will sound what you hear but at the beginning it make the sound of something else. My memory seems to come and go on different things. My actions have a feeling of not being in control. And I always seem to think of Satan and his way as god in this world. He is around all the time, even now. Thoughts are put into my head, like his plans for what I want are right there.

Any thought or day dream of love is followed with a thoughts of wealth, beauty, and fame. If I steer back to love and eventually God, my eyes are running with tears. An argument that is trapped inside me. Being lost, and
disoriented and no one to run to. A life with no real answers and a faith that will always be questioned. Jesus loves all, God controls all, and Satan torments us.

I know now the devil himself is right here beside me, waiting for me to smile with a breath of happiness, or for my chest to flutter with excitement of a new found love…To crush it all down, to hear voices and cries, and put my feet back on the ground of Hell.

I have so much more to tell but, anymore and I may be getting packed off to an institution somewhere.

Sent in by “Crazy B”, Copyright 2009 TrueGhostTales.com




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Comments

16 Responses to “The Ground of Hell”
  1. trolldoll1681 says:

    honey your not crazy, just hooked. CHECK YOURSELF INTO REHAB SOON!

  2. Camille says:

    If you have gotten off the “stuff” and away from the people you were hanging around
    you have a chance to experience a better life now.
    You have been in “Hell”, of this I have no doubt.
    I have seen the “Black Empty Eyes” that you described.
    I have seen them in people in the public. I have seen them in photographs in the newspaper of people who have been arrested for meth.
    The meth does eat their brains, the part of the brain that controls the conscience;
    the part of the brain/mind that reflects the “soul”.
    These people are the “walking dead” like zombies from horror movies.
    Realization of this fact, which was shown to you, you have acknowledged it,
    should prove to you that you must stay away from what has been trying to take your life.
    You could call it a “living hell”.
    Seeing the “eyes turn red and glow” should show you that the person is most likely
    evil.
    Stay away.
    Do something to save yourself. You are an intelligent person; perceptive.
    Find yourself a new life.
    Apply for a grant to go to college. A Pell Grant does not have to be repaid.
    After going what you have been though you would make an excellent counseler
    for others.
    B, you are not crazy.
    Thank you for shareing your story.

  3. K.C says:

    I totally agree here. It doesnt seem as if you are crazy or anything of the sort dear. It mostly seems as if your brain is trying to come back to normal. This is what some drugs do. Or maybe you are more vulnerable to the other world because of the drugs either way . . . .believe me doll. . . .if you can smarten up your going to be okay. I remember doing some drugs that i shouldnt have been and i was doing them constantly and i was on my bed and i remember seeing a man come in my room and say to me “hey are you okay? Your going to be okay” i never knew if it was the drugs or i actually had someone talking to me. Its a messed up state to be in so i can see where your at. Pull through

  4. Jamie says:

    hi sweetie, that sounds VERY rough… you should see a doctor… my grandfather had the same problem, feeling like there were demons everywhere… but he would have complete blackouts as well.. totally paranoid… everything.
    he was a paranoid schizo, and even had split personality. While I don’t think you have split personality, I’m thinking you might want to get evauluated for the schizophrenia. I am not judging you, I just hope you get healthy. good luck :)

  5. Karen M. says:

    I agree with trolldoll, you really need to get off of the drugs, that is the cause of it!

  6. DarStarr says:

    Trolldoll1681 is so completely right! You need help. Counseling, rehab. Please don’t wait! I wish you all the luck in the world.

  7. Christina says:

    I agree……get off the drugs FIRST, and see where the road leads. I had an EX friend that used to do meth and he and his friends were so into it that they claimed these blue, and sometimes red people would visit them! It got to be where they would WAIT for them to come out and ‘visit’ with them. Of course, they never visited when they weren’t on that stuff. To them, it was so real and the conversations they had with the red/blue people were hours long at times.

    He eventually got off of that stuff, but an added ingredient to his mind when he WAS on the stuff was that he takes meds for being Bi-Polar, so he may have been seeing even weirder stuff with that cocktail of drugs.

    I wish you luck and let us know how things go. Take care.

  8. melia says:

    drugs are demonous – please do not use drugs unless you are prescribed them by a doctor. illegal drugs alone are bad, but when influenced on one of the worst drugs out there, whether asleep or awake, your mind is set-stone in an evil state, and the devil himself sees you as a bullseye. i hope you’re smart enough to realize that, that was a warning, and you need to stop. if seeing what you’ve seen and experienced wasn’t enough to get you help, then tough luck with the advice we’ve all given you. you sound very intelligent, and from all the crazy stories on here, you seem to understand that evil IS out there, sober or not. if i were you, i’d seek help, whether from a priest, doctor, or counselor. which ever makes you feel safe. good luck.

  9. Tony L. says:

    If and when you do sober up you wont be mentally back on track over night. obviously from your writings. You might want to seek counseling. Your drug use may have lead to permanent damage. Or a permanent change in your brain chemistry. There is a way back to rational thought, or the appearance there of. Sobriety would be that first step. And from personal experience it probably seems like the ability to stop breathing would be easier than to stop using completely for the rest of your life. Good luck.

  10. Becca says:

    It really does sound like schizophrenia to me. I’m studying psychology in college and we’re on disorders right now. I’m certain that the drugs do not help the situation but all the other things.
    Patterns of numbers and associations with letters. hearing the voices.
    Even the rhyming is called a “word salad”. the person can’t control it and they just start coming up with all words that rhyme, they usually don’t even make any sense.
    As for the thing with eyes, schizophrenia can cause hallucinations.
    It may very well have been the drugs that made you this way, people can become schizo after very traumatic experiences.

  11. Tommy says:

    Hi, I hope you are ok now. This all seems familiar to me. Do you live in the Virginia area? I don’t mean to pry, it just sounds familiar. But in any case please be safe!!

  12. D.R. says:

    Meth is Satan. Period. I have witnessed the most gentle, loving man be consumed by meth and turn in to the antichrist right before my eyes. And ya know what? His eyes turned color. They were black and then turned red. I saw it. Just like in a cartoon. There is a reason for the saying “No rest for the wicked”. You are not crazy. You just need help. It is consuming your mind. Easier said than done, but you have to quit before your lose yourself. You telling your story here is a sign that you know there’s still a chance. Rehab, church, family, addict groups… whatever it takes for you to find yourself again. Be careful in rehabs, though. Sometimes they hook you up to just another addiction. I would say start with a group. Listen and ask questions. They will know the best and worst rehabs. They have been through the hell you are going through and can understand better than anyone.
    Honey, my thoughts are with you. Good luck.

  13. Eileen says:

    Ok, here goes….

    1. Everything is energy, and has a vibration. There are different grades of energy….from pure beauty, to dark, evil…..drugs lower your vibration, and since “like attracts like” lower vibrational people, places and things come your way.

    2. When you use drugs you weaken your energy field (auras of people on drugs tend to be slugglish slimy putrid colors “Hands of Light”, Barbara Brennan)…when your energy field is weak it is open to anything nasty that wants to feed on it and your energy….literally sucking your life force, and perpetuating the addiction.

    -not to mention the energy of the drugs themselves…..think about all the drug cartels who practice Black Magic and human sacrafice for protection (read about the one busted in Mexico, and the horror the police found there, worse than any gory film)….think about all those harmed and the misery caused by the drugs…from those killed in gang wars, to the children of addicts who are neglected and abused, to the families watching their loved ones slowly kill themselves……the damage reaches much farther than you and your immediate circle.

    3. Check out David Icke’s book “The Biggest Secret”….about reptilian possession and how it feeds on low grade sexual energy without love….(I have an aquaintance, who was NOT a drug user, who also saw her lover turn into something like you name during sex). I sincerely think this is why the religions initially frown on adultery….for done for lust, NOT love it is a low grade vibration.

    4. Please find enough love for yourself to start therapy and rehab, and stick with it.

    God Bless you.

  14. Tonja Brown says:

    Go to rehab please Crazy B., get off of the Meth. My former late husband became a meth head, I had to leave him. He would get violent and off the wall, unable to form coherent sentences. I have never seen the look that you describe in people’s eyes that are doing meth, but from what you have said, I wouldn’t want to.

    And I agree with another person here who said that the Meth may have altered your brain chemistry, or could have caused brain damage.

    THAT IS ALL THE MORE REASON TO GET CLEAN AND SOBER. Please go to rehab, please get help !

  15. Anne says:

    It’s the drugs. It sounds like you’ve done them for to long and now your sanity/brain is not right anymore, and yep I call that crazy, so I’m saying you are crazy and you need to do what you can to get off the drugs, hopefully the damage to your brain is not to bad to be healed. I’m not saying you didn’t have some soul touching experiences, but your story makes so little sense it’s hard to say, so, I strongly agree get to rehab and stop the drugs.

  16. its me says:

    I have this friend who recently started using meth i hadn’t seen him in a while and he was so handsome he had green eyes and he recently came by my house and i was shocked to see what he had become. First off his eyes changed color from the bright green to darkish almost black eyes i was shocked i even told him dude look at what your doing to yourself . I agree with everyone else that you need to get help and go to rehab. I tell my friend that when i see him he looks so different he use to very attractive and now hes just slopply and ugly.
    Good Luck and hope all goes well!

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