Recurring Thoughts and Frequent Dreams

Posted on April 13, 2011

Well, my question is about the possible meaning of thoughts I have (often) and dreams I seem to have almost every night.

I had a boyfriend once, when I was 15 until I was 18. It was an abusive (emotionally/mentally) relationship, and I was too young/naive, whatever, to leave him. Then he dumped me out of the blue, destroyed me inside for years.

I managed to recover some of myself a year or so later, but not without always feeling like I wanted to be the me I used to be, not necessarily with him, but that by this whole ordeal, he had somehow destroyed me and I couldn’t get her back…(I had self-abusive behavioural problems after that).

Then a few years later even (no boyfriends/girlfriends in the time between, plenty of interest but no matches) I had started maybe feeling like me, but always lapsing into a depression/anxiety about wanting to be the carefree me who loved life, and wasn’t anxious (not necessarily true) or depressed… and somehow thoughts of him always floated and mulled in the back of my mind.

Then I went to South Africa (I’m Canadian) for a few months for volunteer work with research, and got news that he had died in a horrific car accident… I was very sad. Someone from my life that I had loved once, was now gone forever and the only other person who had shared my memories was no longer in existence. And I felt for his family, wept for their sorrow. And then I was okay, it had been 5 years since we’d talked – since he’d dumped me…

And then I spent the next year working on school, randomly thoughts of him or things we had done, the way I used to do things, etc. would come up if I was in a particular area of my city, or doing something that was vaguely similar, etc…

And then I moved out, to another, nearby city… Met someone at a show, started dating them… But his mannerisms, sometimes, and things about him, his aura sometimes even, reminds me of my ex…
It could just be that because we’re going through the relationship motions and because I apparently act in a particular way in a relationship that it feels so familiar to me, but it disturbs me. I had hoped to wipe my ex from my memory, so I at last could get some respite…and not poison what I have now with a very wonderful person…

And then I almost call my current bf by my exes name, to his face, or in reference to him in front of him…
I have said it to my parent, who also mis-spoke… peculiar that we both did. It disturbs us all because of the way he treated me and because my ex is dead…

And then last night I had a dream that my current cut his hair shorter, and shaved off his facial hair and underneath was the face of my ex, but the person of my current within… I couldn’t handle it. It my dream I was freaking out – admitting everything, that his person reminds me so much of my ex and now his face does, and that I didn’t know what to do. I felt so sorry for my current, and so enraged and appalled and shocked that my exes face was there…

Am I haunted by my own self, or have I become the toy of some ephemeral entity?

Thanks all, in advance, for your comments.

Xenon

Sent in by Xenon, Copyright 2011 TrueGhostTales.com




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Comments

6 Responses to “Recurring Thoughts and Frequent Dreams”
  1. chris says:

    hey xenon interesting story i may be heading down the wrong direction but you might want to read up on something called a doppelganger which is a ghost of a living person or a exact double of that person

  2. Seona says:

    I think this is your subconcious not wanting this person to be like your ex or being worried that you will end up with the same situation. If you think your current won’t get upset by it maybe talk to him about it and tell him your fears/worries. I think this is more of an inner demon than a ghost.

  3. Adhinferno says:

    Only you who can solve your own problems. I suggest you to try to find a good and calm place(for example your own room) and start meditating for about 5 – 15 minutes everyday. Leave any thoughts, your problem, all of them to the Deity, Usually you will find the solution by the time goes. Maybe 3 days or 2 weeks, it depends on your condition. Just dont think about your problems too much, okay? If you want to share about your problems, feel free to ask me. ^_^

  4. Lynn says:

    I think that if your current bf reminds you of your ex in that many ways; it could be your subconscious bringing the similarities to light. Sort of as a warning to look at the bf /relationship closer. It may be that he is more like your ex that you realize.

  5. alastair says:

    i think you’re haunting yourself inside. as chris said, look up doppelgangers. that might help.

  6. octavia says:

    you are exaggerating, its your sub-concious.

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