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My Own Hell

Posted on July 5, 2010

This is the true and very strange story about my life over the last five years. It is almost unbelievable, even movie-like but strangely enough it is all very true.

The haunting started about five years ago. I don’t even have a clue where to start for strange unexplainable things have been happening to and around me since or before birth. My mother heard children playing around the bed while she slept pregnant with me and felt a presence sit on her bed. My home as a child was pretty eerie to both my brother and I who slept on different levels. I punched a hole in the wall in England as I walked upstairs and have no idea why. So you see I don’t really know where to begin. so…

Once upon a time, I was born. Many things did happen that would freak out the strongest man but this haunting all started to manifest about five years ago. I woke up one morning and heard voices saying ‘We found it’. Suddenly things began talking to or at me, walking across my bed all night, looking in my mirror, touching me. It was very overwhelming especially for someone alone. I had dreams that became evil and scary and started waking up suddenly from nightmares. I saw a man laying in my bed one night, and then a woman flying up to my window carrying two people like babies. I also began to see birds flying at me, eagles, owls, and cats started walking off the furniture. My neighbors didn’t seem to hear a thing in the apartment, and didn’t seem to be bothered by my insane behavior, talking, yelling, running out, standing outside in my bathrobe at 2 am. In the beginning I was hearing a lot of trickery, sneaky plots, dreams all designed to move me to certain places, or wake me up, or put me to sleep, basically make me look nutty.

The neighbors, strangely, so I thought, didn’t seem to have anything to say. They did instead act weird, as though they were avoiding me, even physically attacking me at one point though it was the first time meeting them. I had neighbors that new neighbors had seen almost daily though I never had, then suddenly after hearing of them I’d see them immediately. So I was very freaked out when a man I didn’t know was standing in front of my building on the cellphone talking about me and my apartment. I also had a strange sensation I was being tailed.

Things progressed and I began to have other things happen besides the constant talking in my ear, literally. Both ears are filled with voices, two I think, that sound like girls. I have voices talking to me 24-7 all day and all night and it is exhausting.

I was going to church and began going several times weekly. A few pastors got to experience this Thing in prayer sessions and meetings. I feel like I cant be in prayer sessions too long, and I kept passing out or seizing in church. 911 has even been called! My seizures started after my nervous system was damaged. Neither has an explanation. The seizures aren’t even proven yet and I stopped the medicines myself along with my other meds. Every doctor I have, except for my kidney doctor is baffled as to what is wrong with me. I have had a psychiatrist throw me to the curb because they are so confused, having tried every med on me with no results. The pastors which saw me pass out, or seize up or have a laughing fit or go into another character aren’t around anymore.

I have tried every single avenue for deliverance, healing, cleansing etc. but there are no answers. Pastors have come and gone, deliverance ministers also, and prayer teams. Surprisingly I have been left alone to ‘wait on God’. But I cant even pray anymore, my thoughts are hardly my own. I could barely write this.

So that is my life. Its all true, believe it or not. Ghost, don’t ask me. Demon, who knows. Witchcraft, you tell me!

Sent in by gatsby, Copyright 2010 TrueGhostTales.com

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Tags: Dreams, Nightmares, Voices

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55 Responses to “My Own Hell”
  1. AnNa says:

    wow.i dont really know what to say.i hope you will fell better soon.what about friends and family,what do they say?im sorry i dont know what else to say.keep us posted in if things change.

    • Dionna White says:

      I would advise you not to get an exercism done, unless you feel like your gonna get killed also carry salt around it helps prevent demons, also put salt around the perimeter of your room, but make sure they are not in the room. also try to think possitively as much as you can. Also candles attract demons so try not to keep them around. I’ll do some research and get back to you.

      • Dionna White says:

        I know a possible way to banish them but it might get dangerous, do u still wanna know?

        • gatsby says:

          well i would like any information. why no exorcism?

          • Dionna White says:

            no exercism unless it is impossible w/o it bc if it backfires (which there is a possibilyty it can) really bad things can happen. so this is some what long but this is what i gathered from my knowledge and research

            Demons can not touch/pass through areas with salt so you should always carry that on you. Also they like to follow you around for years torturing you, feeding off of your fear. Basically try not to fear them which will weaken their power, and if they dont get a reaction out of you they might leave. You can banish the entity, by telling them to leave, that they are not welcome, you need to stand firm and hold your ground, your anger will most likely get rid of this entity, but if possible do not do this alone. if you cant say it think it. Do not have religious figures in your house, also wear silver and put it up in your house if possible. Even if you are scared of them hold your ground and do not run away, if worse comes to worst call an exercist, also try not to go into churches as often, it pisses the demons off.

            • jk says:

              Why don’t you just recommend standing in a lightning storm with a metal dunce cap. You are just talking about doing things to appease evil. Why in the world would you not have religious items in your home. You talk about back fire, do this and these things will make themselves at home. Salt and all this crap may have dterrant value but certainly will not drive anything off.

              • jk says:

                Wow, I just read this again and I am still shaking my head. What are you talking about. Stay away from churches-this is appeasement. You cannot make deals with these things. You cannot tell it to go away and throw a little salt at it. It is all about power and no human has the power in and of themselves to get rid of this mess. This is the same line taken by voodoo practitioners and satanist-appease it, make deals with it. You are dealing with the essance of evil hear. God is the only one good enough to cast these things out.

                • Dionna White says:

                  Jk im not saying ur wrong, but ur not getting what im trying to say (and im not a satinist) what im saying is that if he goes to church while having demons around him it will cause damage to his body bc of the demons negative enegry clashing w/ the positive enegry of the church. Also u don’t throw salt at them. u spread the salt around that peremeter of the room bc they say that demons can’t pass through areas w/ salt. I also researched possible ways to get rid of demons which will explain what i said about telling them to leave.

            • Diaaane. says:

              wow. Your information is very helpful. thankyou.
              But i do have a problem, i am a teenager living in my parents house. A couple of strange things have happened, i do not think it is a demon, but i do think it is either a spirit/ghost or something. Im not quite sure.
              I am muslim, and you said not to have religious things in your house? We have a few religious symbol paintings, very big, in our lounge. Our lounge is where i get shivers,goosebumps,feel if someone is watching me,and seen strange stuff happen.
              Please help, or give an answer to what you think this might be, or what i can do.

              • Dionna White says:

                This may not help a lot but they tend not to like religious figures a lot so if u find any unusual markings on the religious items in your house it is probably a demonic spirit. And don’t be frightened of the spirit. if u feel like it is dangerous try not to be alone. If u can give me some more details.

  2. bigbarney says:

    sorry to say but you either are completely insane, or you are terribly unlucky and are being tormented by demons. either way its no good. i think you might be a crazed lunatic tho.

    • AnNa says:

      it might not sound like it to you but it seems like you are a mean person.people say im blunt not as much as you.

      • Dionna White says:

        If u aren’t gonna believe the story don’t read it, i don’t think the person is insane at all, I think the reason he is getting attacked by demons has something to do with his aura or spirtual energy

    • Pat says:

      That is a cruel way to respond to someone desperatley in need of help!

      • Dionna White says:

        Yeah I’ve been attacked by a demon (well actually it’s a demonic spirit so evil that it’s classified as a demon) and he talks to me to and tries to kill me on a monthly, sometimes more basis, and I really wouldn’t wnat somebody calling me insane (though my parents and bro already do)

      • AnNa says:

        i think he shouldnt comment if he’s always going to be like that.i know everyone has a momment, but not all the time.i agree with you.

    • ROB says:

      Barney … did someone drop u on ur head as a child ? ur a rude and obnoxious person. i wont call u a man…. u don;t know what that is. ur the type of person to talk harsh and insult people, but in reality u would run like a little girl if that were u. learn some respect for people on the site as well as others.

      • Dionna White says:

        Dude you really know how to tell someone off!!! But I completly agree with you. I usually get called insane, freak, nut job, idiot, etc. bc im a medium, i certainly wouldn’t want someone online calling me that (tho it has happened…. ) and it is not fun being called nuts by someone you don’t know.

    • gatsby says:

      thank u for reading. i am not hurt by the comments it is completely understandable that someone would think this. God Bless u

  3. chantelle says:

    thats not very nice bigbarney, i mean it does sound a little odd. Im not really sure what to say either.. advice wise you seem to have tried everything possible . If you are truly going through this im sorry for your suffering i cant even imagine how hard that would be.. Have you tried talking to a medium or someone spiritually experienced? The only other thing i could suggest is to stay strong and dont be defeated by something thats obviously ruining your life. **LuCk** :)

    • gatsby says:

      the only spiritual advisor i’ve tried are men of God. so no psychics or mediums. yes it is very hard, even my parents think i am pretending alot of the time. it is a battle in every imaginable way!

      • chantelle says:

        Maybe you should try a phsycic or medium? im not too good at giving advice as you can probs tell but im so sorry for your suffering im sure you will find MUCH more support within this site. Is there really NoOne who believes you?
        I will say a prayer for you also

      • jk says:

        Please stick with the men of God.

  4. Marlaina says:

    Bless your heart! This must be terrible to have to deal with. I thought of scitzophrenia: but if the Phsychiatrist’s are baffled by it: then in my opinion it can only be one other thing: demonic posession in one form or another. Have you ever consulted a Preist about an Excorisissm? It really couldn’t hurt to try that. I’m sure some Demonic Possession’s are worse than others.

    • gatsby says:

      i’ve been banging my head on church doors. been yelled at even by pastors for passing out in church. :(

      • AnNa says:

        i dont think its nice if pastors get mad or yell at you or anyone for that matter.they are there to help,not to be mean to anyone.im sorry to say but if i were you go see someone else.

  5. jk says:

    Try an full out surrender of your mind body and soul to Christ. You cannot help yourself even in many cases the clergy are ill equipped to help. Surrender all to Him, this affliction that make you unique and different is certainly not something that you should hold on to for the sake of identity. Let go and let God. God cannot make you surrender all, He will not encroach on the free will that He gave you to choose Him. Talking to clergy and reading a few chapters of the Bible will not get it done. You need a full knowledge of God through Christ Jesus. You must let Him cleanse you all all that you have held on to in the past. Once you are filled with the Holy Spirit there is no room for voices and such. Being a hard case to crack is not something to wear like a badge. You take that badge and every other badge that you might have and lay them at the foot of Christ cross and do not pick them up again and He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. It is your choice, no one can fix your life but Him. He has been wating for you to come as you are and give all this to Him. Don’t make Him wait anymore.

    • gatsby says:

      jk i appreciat your response. i was raised by a pastor so i know that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. i am not holding on to anything. i have been kicking and screaming, crying and praying, repenting, and praising. i’ve gotten baptized again even. i dont wear this like a badge i am proud of trust me. it is actually shameful and depressing. being suicidal is not my idea of happiness.

      • AnNa says:

        i heared and this is in our religion i dont know about anyone else but for us we can only get baptize once and only once.if so you will go to hell. but thats just ours that i know of.and im not trying to be mean in what i said so if so im sorry for anyone that is offended.

      • lilla says:

        Ask Allah for help….and i promised as he promised to us all that he will hear you out…i dun knw you but still advise you to see some muslim scholar as soon as possible… please trust me i know u must have tried everything try this tooo…. ive heard of people lives being saved when they did so…and as i advise you this i know i put myself in trouble too whtever is after you would get pissed off at me too… but i couldn’t stop myself..please hear me out n do it

      • jk says:

        Gatsby, that is not impossible but the only answer that I can surmize is that God is allowing this torment for His own reasons. It is the only thing out there left. If you are Born Again and the Holy Spirit is indwelling then God has to be allowing this to happen in order to prepare you for something else, or just to prepare you for life. If you have surrenderred everything to Him, then He is in control. It could be that He wants you to strap on all of the spiritual Armour that He has made available to you and He wants you to stand in your faith and let Him fight the battle. Just don’t give up, it sounds like a blessing is in store once it is over. I’ll pray for you.

        • gatsby says:

          i appreciate your comments and prayers. thank u all so much. i pray that God exposes all this very soon. it took a while but i have lost so much hope. i do not wish this on my worst enemy. stay safe, and be blessed .

  6. coral says:

    BigBarny !!! LOL….Gosh, no beatin round the bush with you, is there ! Sorry ..but I have to agree with ‘BB’ on this one = /

  7. Marlaina says:

    Yes..praying usually helps. But you have said that you have tried..and it didn’t help. Keep trying..it can never hurt.

  8. Pat says:

    I believe with all my heart that Jesus can free you! I would req a cleansing cermony from a Pastor/Priest you are comfortable with; this couls be a demonic oppression (next step before possession) as well as a physical ailment as well. I think you are battling more than one thing GODD LUCK! I will say a prayer for you too!

  9. Gregory Brown says:


    You are not helpless, though I’m sure you believe you’ve failed. You didn’t fail. I have two thoughts to give you. When you pray, always start by giving thanks for all the good people in your life, your possessions however small or large, for having a roof over your head, and indoor plumbing, a bed, pillow, and blanket, a refridgerator full of food, clean clothes, all the promises God has made to us, thanks for the presence of the Holy Spirit that is our teacher and guide, thankful for God’s grace, forgiving our sins…, this list can go on for hours.

    The Bible says to put on a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. I think of praise as joy, and dancing, singing out loud songs of joy and praise to God. The Bible says that God inhabits the praise of His people.

    Second idea, not my own. When Jesus was in the wilderness, Satan tempted Him and told Jesus that He could turn these stones into loaves of bread. Jesus responded with, “man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth from the mouth of God. This isn’t something you do every once in a while. It needs to be regular, whether or not you feel you need it:reading the Bible, prayer, praise, joy, and if I could dance, I would.

    King David would dance before the Lord, and for all the public to see, and he danced with all his might. Who needs aerobics? God took notice of this, and was pleased. God was opening David’s mind and heart, revealing things as yet unknown. For example, how God fashions each person while they are still in their mother’s womb. David proclaimed, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made…, body, soul, spirit.

    No one can pray too much. There is something of an attitude or spirit of prayer we can walk in all day long. You can’t get too close to God.

    May you find peace, joy, and friends, and God.


  10. olga says:

    Wow! I’m speechless as well……I just wanta say, whatever U do don’t give up & maybe go online & try 2 seek help from some1 dat is familiar W/ Ur type of situation & as 4 people dat don’t blieve in dis sort of stuff, U shudn’t be on here if U don’t blieve but hopefully 1 day U guys will xperience sumthn similar & den U’l start bing a bliever & C dat dis aint no joke!

  11. Sparky says:

    Everyone says the bible or god, but the OP stated that didn’t help. Maybe go and investigate it. If you are hearing voices, record them, write them down. Use a voice recorder and see if you can hear the voices in the background. With those notes piece together what they are saying. Who knows, maybe they are desperate for your attention and want to convey messages. I’m not saying I agree that what is happening as fact, but It has nothing to do with me. If this indeed is happening to you, then it is truth, so act accordingly. Find out their origins, play detective and figure out their purposes, desires or their messages. I’m sure a demon doesn’t pick someone at birth and goes, yeah this will be fun for their whole life. Maybe you just attract everything’s attention, it could be just your ability to see into this said world but its up to you to make sense of it.
    Sorry if it’s too abstract, I’m new to this side of paranormal talk and have difficulty conveying my thoughts coherently.

    - Sparky

  12. Sebet says:

    Sparky makes sense. Lets just leave God out of this for a few minutes, and if you think God is allowing you to endure this for his own reasons, shame on you!! That is just what chirstians excpect their God to do. So now on to the problem at hand. Have you tried asking them what it is they want from you? Maybe you are one of the few people in this world who can really see and comunicate with the spirit world and to them you are the one light shining in their own darkness and they are atracted to your light. they all are talking at the same time because they want you to hear them, so the one with the loudest voice gets heard first. Does that make sense? It is like being in the utter darkness with 5000 other people and no one knows what is going on, but you know if you could just get to that one point of light and talk to the one person who might give you the answers that you seek, then all will be well. But you still have to deal with the other 5000 people trying to get to that one person too. If you are a true medium and a powerfull one I think, then maybe this is a gift and not a curse. You might just need to learn how to controll it. How to turn it on and off, take controll of the spirits trying to contact you and let them know that you will hear them just one at a time and only when you say it ok to talk. Look there, you may just find that you have a wounderful gift that could help thousands of lost souls trying to say their own good buys and find their way to their new journey. Good luck my dear you have a long road a head of you. Sebet

    • Sparky says:

      Thanks for the support, felt like I was going on a ledge on that one. See, they way I’m picturing this, is just as Sebet explains. If you were a lost soul, I bet you would find a way to a church or sorts. (I’m not religous but if I died, I’d probably say, well there’s something to this if I’m still around, corporeal or not.) So when you enter a church, imagine thousands of souls going, “Hey! I can see light!” and you pretty much get swarmed with requests and your body can’t handle that unprocessed information leading to fits. Maybe that’s why cleansing from priests haven’t worked, because technically you are not possessed, just ‘in-tune’. On the other hand, this is all hypothetical and someone who studies/believes in this paranormal universe may elaborate further then I can.

      - Sparky

    • Sebet says:

      Sorry, I did not mean “Shame on you” but rather “Shame on them” as in the Christians who try to say that God is some how granting you the oportunity to go through hell for reasons known only to him. I am sorry but this just makes me upset, if there really was a God of the Christian Bible then why would he, (or any other God for that matter) allow any Demon to terrrorize one of his children so they could grow in some unkown way.? Only a god created by Man could be this cruel. What is happening has nothing to do with any God. Sorry that you are going through what you are, I hope what I said earlier helps. Good luck Kiddo I wish there was something more that could be done for you. Sebet

  13. Beautifulmine says:

    First of all, let me just express that these are my own opinions and everyone has the right to believe in what they choose, That is the beauty of life.

    I am a full blown atheist. I believe in what science can teach me, in reason, in sight and touch and sound. I have interest in all things spiritual but I could be swayed either way as to whether ‘ghosts’ are real. Someone previously wrote that this person is either very sick or very possessed.
    I was wondering if Gatsby has been to a hospital and had brain scans and a full phyc evaluation? Please trust that I do not say this as an insult but out of concern. I believe that Gatsby needs to cover all aspects of this problem. If religious guidance has failed in the past despite devout belief in god and you have had no luck following any other avenue, you must seek medical advice. I am in no way calling you a liar. I believe these things may be happening to you and they very well could be a result of something many people, including myself cannot comprehend but you cannot let what other people think about you stop you from seeking medical advice. I also agree with the aforementioned advice on seeing a medium. Like I said, I am not religious, nor do I have a vast knowledge of the bible but surely your god is all forgiving and if seeing a medium is dabbling with the devil I am sure that god can forgive you for that as he will know you’ve exhausted every avenue looking for help.Good luck!

  14. Gatsby says:

    thank u for your comment beautifulmine. i have indeed had a full psych eval. more than once.
    i have been in the hospital for EEg, MRI, and blood work ups. I am going in for a sleep deprived EEg this week. it takes alot of convincing myself that this isnt just mind over matter. These spirits touch all day long so that is a constant reminder that I am not imagining anything. i’ve also been on an extensive list of psych meds and they dont work for me, leaving Dr.’s baffled.

  15. Manny says:

    I Think You Are Gifted. And The Gift Is To Hear And See Things.
    Ignore These Voices And Dont Have Fear Towards Them.
    If They Are Demons Or An Evil Spirit Dont Be Scare Of Them If You Truly have Fear Against Them They Would Have More Power Towards You.
    - Hope This Helps. And Get Better. :)

  16. [email protected]@ Pr!nCe$$ says:

    Gatsby… I believe every word you say, i strongly suggest you go to a mosque and seek help. Whatever you do dont give in and dont give up. Always have faith in God cause he is always with you, i know that it may not seem like that but God has his ways in testing ppl. Always have faith no matter what and in return you will get ediath (guidance). I will pray for you and i wish you luck in getting rid of your problems. Please take heed in my advice. TC.

  17. bob says:

    I agree with barney.

  18. tws says:

    I am Catholic, i believe in demonic possesion and demonic oppresion…. please seek out a priest who can perform the rite of exorcism…….

    concerned for you in tennessee

  19. Sean says:

    In my opinion if all ahs failed even the ohter advice that has been given here. I think you need to try an excorsism. Not only on yourself but also on your appartment as well. I hope all turns out for the best.

  20. xannex says:

    this is creepy bit must b awfull for you, i dont have much advice just stay positive , let these things no you are not gonna give up, Maybe you should move back home or with a friend that way you wouldnt b alone all the time and you would also have support, i dont no what else to say, stay safe dont let it take over you will win this battle

  21. tws says:

    my heart hurts for you….. remember who you are, stay strong. Peace be with you.

  22. countrygirl says:

    You are in a disruptive mess:( don’t listen to anyone who say’s not to go to church!! I would more encourage going to church!it is hard to get help,but do not give up!! And to others don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house!!

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