Vampire Jokes

Here is a collection of vampire jokes for you to enjoy

• Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
  A: Count Duckula
• Q: What does a vampire fear most?
  A: Tooth decay
• Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
  A: At a blood bank
• Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
  A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light!
• Q: What is Transylvania?
  A: Dracula's terror-tory
• Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
  A: On Lake Erie
• Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
  A: By blood vessels.
• Q: What's the part of a restaurant where vampires don't suck blood?
  A: The non-Suckers section.
• Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
  A: Blood vessel.
• Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
  A: He's a pain in the neck.
• Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
  A: Vampire camfire.
• Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
  A: "Hello, pleased to eat you!"
• Q: How do vampires drive around?
  A: In their bloodmobiles.
• Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
  A: Batboy
• Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
  A: Bat Ghoul.
• Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
  A: The Vampire State Building.
• Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
  A: Because he robbed the blood bank.
• Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
  A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.
• Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
  A: It was a stake sandwich.
• Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
  A: A blood hound.
• Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
  A: A neck-tarine.
• Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
  A: Because he likes to draw blood!
• Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
  A: His ghoul friend!
• Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
  A: Long distance.
• Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
  A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.
• Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
  A: The Vampire State Building.
• Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
  A: The girl necks door.
• Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
  A: It's a pain in the neck.
• Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
  A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
• Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
  A: She bats her eyes.
• Q: Was Dracula ever married?
  A: No he's a bat-chelor.
• Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
  A: In a blood bank.
• Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
  A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light!"
• Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
  A: A thirsty vampire.
• Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
  A: Because he was coffin too much.
• Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
  A: Coffin Drops!
• Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
  A: Blood Light.
• Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
  A: A blood test.
• Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
  A: Can't you count Dracula!
• Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
  A: Bat-miton.
• Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
  A: A neck-tarine.
• Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
  A: Because he likes to draw blood!
• Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
  A: He had bat breath.
• Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
  A: He never met a nice Ghoul!
• Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
  A: .A fangfurter !
• Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
  A: A jampire !
• Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
  A: A blood hound !
• Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
  A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul !
• Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport ?
  A: Batminton !
• Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
  A: He went a little batty !
• Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day ?
  A: A coffin break !
• Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
  A: In bite sized pieces !
• Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
  A: The Isle of Fright !
• Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
  A: It was in his blood !
• Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?
  A: The ghoulscorer !
• Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?
  A: I don't know but it would slow him down !
• Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
  A: Ghouldilocks !
• Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ?
  A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed !
• Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink ?
  A: A bloody mary !
• Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
  A: The fangdango !
• Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
  A: Ghouldfinger !
• Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
  A: Newfangled rubbish !
• Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?
  A: He wanted something to get his teeth into !
• Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
  A: It finished neck and neck !
• Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ?
  A: New Fangland !
• Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
  A: All the blood relations went !
• Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
  A: A fangster !
• Q: What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve ?
  A: "Auld Fang Syne" !
• Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?
  A: He had fang decay !
• Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
  A: You look like your going to the dogs !
• Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
  A: Fangsgiving day !
• Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
  A: Join his fang club !
• Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
  A: Because blood is thicker than water !
• Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?
  A: Veinilla !
• Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
  A: It wanted to play squash !
• Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
  A: Because they know they won't get stake !
• Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
  A: Send your name, address and blood group !
• Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal ?
  A: A giraffe !
• Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ?
  A: He fainted at the sight of blood !
• Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?
  A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !
• Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee ?
  A: Decoffinated !
• Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?
  A: A bite in shining armour !
• Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
  A: A bat tub !
• Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?
  A: Fangs very much !
• Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
  A: Coffin medicine !
• Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
  A: Fang mail !
• Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup ?
  A: Scream of tomato !
• Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
  A: A bat mat !
• Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
  A: The vaults !
• Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
  A: Neck !
• Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
  A: Because they make themselves cross !
• Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
  A: Terror, terror on the wall... !
• Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character ?
  A: Batman !
• Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
  A: Because it's a drain in the neck !
• Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child?
  A: Frostbite
• Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
  A: He has a bat temper.
• Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
  A: He had a fang-ache.
• Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
  A: They all come out at night.
• Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
  A: To stop his coffin.
• Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
  A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

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