What Does Lucifer Look Like?

Posted on August 20, 2009

This was originally submitted as a comment to The Beginning Depression Ouija Boards and Lucifer I though this was a very touching story that�would make an interesting discussion and so it has been published here as it’s own story. This story does have a very important message for all who will take heed. ~ Caretakers note.

Jessica, Lucifer can be seen in any form. Many of us are fooled into thinking that we are safe, and around safe people that would never harm us. Lucifer does not always come in a bad or scary form. If he did, it would be easy for all of us to run the other way. I do agree with many here, about keeping your higher power with you at all times. Your intuition can many times tell you if you are safe or not. Some of us are to trusting, be very careful about that.

I was married to a man many years ago who definitely had Lucifer in him. On the outside, he was good looking, sweet, caring, loving, but on the inside he was demonic. He had a very bad temper, and was very controlling over me. I was very young at the time and we had a child together. I took my marriage vows very seriously, so I put up with a lot for 6 years. At times when he would get mad his brown eyes would turn red (I swear on the bible to that) He still scares me to this day. I haven’t seen him in over 25 years, I hope I don’t. He did many mean and cruel things without a thought or tear. He was very abusive.

So, don’t be fooled into thinking that Lucifer is always scary looking. Lucifer can come in some very pretty packages! Always go with your gut feeling, if something does not feel right it probably isn’t.

My daughter lost her life to her ex boyfriend, who I found out quickly, was also possessed by darkness, I almost lost my life to him too. I stared into his eyes as he had a shotgun to my forehead. By the grace of God, I felt a bubble of protection around me. My daughter didn’t have a chance, as she was in her bed asleep. I haven’t told my story here, it is just to painful.

I wish I had the answers for everyone here. I have to deal with the aftermath of carnage, and mayhem every day of my life. Lucifer tries to get to me very often, but, I have learned to cast him out and stay positive within myself.

My daughter died 16 years ago, August 19, 1993, at 6:20 am. She was 2 weeks away from being 17. That day, is in front of my face every minute of every day. Stay away from negativity, if you ever feel fear run away as fast as you can.

God Bless us all

Written by “KNOWTOMUCH”, Copyright 2009 TrueGhostTales.com




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Comments

77 Responses to “What Does Lucifer Look Like?”
  1. DarStarr says:

    Oh, my goodness. How absolutely terrifying. As having been in an abusive relationship myself, I know the fear, but I can not even imagine what you have been through. You sound like such a strong person, and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I admire you.
    God bless you!

  2. Karen M. says:

    First, I am sorry your daughter, I as a mother know that nothing in this world could ever compare to the lose of a child, yet you seem strong! I have known also many people in “disguise” that seemed normal on the outside just untill the point where you got to know the “real person” inside! Again I am sorry, did he go to prison, did they catch him?

  3. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    Caretaker, thank you so much for seeing my story for what it is. I havent told the whole story on here yet, as in the past i have talked about it on other websites, and people actually said that i was lying… It broke my heart.. Now i am very leary of what i say, and who i say it to.

    In fact, i moved into my new home almost 2 years ago, no one in this area have any idea that i ever had a child. i stay to myself.. i have almost become a hermit. you would not believe what people say and the gossip that goes on when you are on the front page of a newspaper. The media really took this tradgedy and added thier own sick, and perverse twists. Actually, yes, i was almost killed, my daughter was shot in the head with a shotgun and killed, my neighbor, who was trying to help was also shot in the back with the shotgun and killed, then the x boyfriend put the shotgun in his mouth, positioned his body so it would fall right beside my daughter, and killed himself. This all happened in my home. I got away,,, but,, most days,, i wish he would have just pulled the trigger when he had the gun to my forhead. I do realize, it was not my time to go.

    My daughter and i had seen signs of his instability at times, but , you tend to blow it off…. the last 6 months they dated, he got very controlling over her, and was also abusive, i did not know this untill she was dead, then her friends told me… she was afraid of him and was afraid to tell me, as he might hurt me. That is Lucifer, if anyone wants to know.

    He always seemed like a very mild mannered boy, and spent a lot of time with our family, all of the holidays, he even went to dinner at my parents every sunday, and became the grandson, my father never had, they where very close. After this happened, all my father could say was, ( he was a monster) my father died 10 years after that ,of cancer. the surgeon said that it must have been growing for about 10 years.. we told the surgeon about my daughter.. she said,, oh yes,, that certainly started the cancer…

    My family has suffered so much!!!! and we still do.. my health changed drastically over the past 16 years.. i used to be a writer, but now, i just try to survive every day.

    Lucifer, the devil, or whatever you want to call it, will destroy your life….. I thought over time that i would be able to feel normal again, i realize now, that will never happen.

    Thinking back to that time, there where so many red flags!!!!! I feel so much guilt, that i didnt heed them. If i had, my daughter would be here with me today, and would be turning 33 on September 9th, 2009. I only had one child, and she was my world. I will never have her, never have grandchildren, its, just all gone.. Amber, was my shining star!!!

    My mother just turned 80 last week, God bless her, She has been very ill, on and off since Amber died, but, has tried her best to stay positive. Mom and Amber where also very close.. I know she was my daughter, but,, she had the kindest heart, and loved everyone. When she died, our town just fell apart. She was certainly an angel here on earth. I know that she is in Heaven, and greeting everyone that comes through the gate.

    Please keep me in your prayers ,,,, God bless us, every one!

  4. DarStarr says:

    Please don’t blame yourself! You are not to blame! Believe me, after I ended my abusive relationship, people could not believe that my ex was abusive. Some even told me I was crazy, no way was “Mr. Perfect” that way! This evil hides, and even if there are warning signs, sometimes they are few and far between and unfortunately we don’t always pay heed to them, but again, that is not your fault. I wish I could say or do something to take some of your pain away. I myself never had any children, mainly because of my ex, and there is a part of me that will always be angry at him for that, but as much as we sometimes don’t want to accept it, life has got to go on. Enjoy the time you have left with your mother, cherish it, but please, PLEASE let the guilt go. We can not change the past, but only look to the future. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.

  5. Jamie says:

    I’m so so sorry. This is truly horrifying. Thank you for being brave enough to share, and help us put things into perspective.

  6. Karen M. says:

    DarStarr, I also feel bad for what you went through, but DON’T EVER let some man raise his hand to you or treat you like crap, that is absolutely one thing that I hate the most in this world, you deserve a man that will love you and have respect for you, if not there is no relationship at all!

  7. cesar f. says:

    i agree lucifer can come in any form.4 example my mother in mexico saw him as a fancy man on a black horse at midnight.

  8. Karen M. says:

    Cesar f. I think you’re missing the point of this story!

  9. trolldoll1681 says:

    your right on the money evil is all around us in the people we know and don’t know. thanks for such a personal leg of your life and i wish you all the happiness that life and hold your such a strong woman!!!

  10. DarStarr says:

    Karen M.
    You are so right. It took me a while to realize that, I was young and foolish and THOUGHT I was in love. The best thing I have ever learned is that you HAVE to love yourself first and foremost! I am not in a relationship now and couldn’t be happier! I do what I want when I want and the only one I have to answer to is me, and that is such a good, freeing feeling.

    Knowtomuch,
    Again, please stay strong. I can not stress it enough that no matter how alone we feel, there is ALWAYS someone who cares and is there for you. I know I don’t know you, but you have people that are here and will listen anytime!! You are NEVER alone.

  11. Mama's chick says:

    Knowtomuch,

    I am so very sorry for everything you went through honey.. {{{hugs}}}
    Our children mean everything to us and to lose them is unbearable.. but especially when it’s by the hands of a monster..
    And your right.. the devil comes in MANY forms.. deceiving us all until their true colors leak through..
    Thank you for sharing your story with us.. I can only imagine how difficult it was after what people have put you through..
    Take care sweetie and know that Amber will always be with you.. watching over you and being your guardian angel.
    God Bless!

    Mama’s chick xx

  12. jessica says:

    this is so cruel!!!! i can”t believe what pple are capable of doing such evil things?what do you think we should do if we encounter him one of these days?i pray to god for this ‘lucifer’ not to encounter any of us. p.s sorry for the loss of ur daughter may she rest in peace… and remember she’s always watching over you.

  13. KL says:

    hmm I read your story, both of your articles, and I do believe you.

    Of course I will never know the entire personal story, and I will say what I think but keep in mind it is only from what you have told me and also I have not experienced something like this and therefore can only fractionally imagine.
    Firstly I would like to say to a fellow writer. Don’t let your inspiration fade. If anything, for your daughter, I think you should write this story to warn people. Not let them share a similar fate.You have no idea what a few words may do to someone because those few words can open people’s eyes. Give them the courage to stand up and realise. I realise though it is something extremely painful but maybe you could help others to not share a similar fate. Maybe there is a reason it was not your time to go.

    Hmm, the boy. I was thinking of the boy. Was he truly evil? Perhaps not evil, perhaps weak. Weak of mind and weak of body. I can tell you are religous so I will say this. Like I said I do not know truly what happened but, could you ever forgive him? He will get what he deserves, but for you to forgive is truly extraordinary and people do not realise how amazing it is of a person to forgive those who have wronged. Do not live with a bitter heart thats filled with malice and hate, would anyone want that? Although cliche, live by your faith away from evil. Jesus forgave those that killed him. Become the better person. Forgiving though does not mean forgetting. People may say this is ridiculous or that I don’t know what I am talking about but anyone can hate, it takes someone with a really good heart to forgive.
    Evil takes the weak so be strong.

    I truly apologise if any of my words offend you in any way but I wanted to say what I thought. They are merely an opinion based on things from my past. I often go by the saying it is often better to be honest than say honey coated words that are false sympathy. I am only a teenager, so I still have much to learn.

    Live your life for the better, live for you daughter and make her proud. I’m sure she is at peace.

  14. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    I trully thank all of you for being here for me. I do feel very alone most of the time, but am coping. I thought after all of these years had passed that i would be much better. I am not offended by anyones opinion, in fact, all of your opinions have made me feel better. As far as the writing in concerned, i was diagnosed with M.S. about 5 years ago, it has really caused me problems with my spelling and language.

    I am determined to survive!!!! no matter how bad it gets, i will bounce back, i always have. Its just amazing that i came to this site, and you guys are on my side, and seem to understand. I have been on grief sites, and they had no clue on what to say or how to help. When any of us tell our stories, many think we are nuts.

    I have lived a life of strage happenings, seeing things, ect:, when i was little, my parents always said that i had an active imagination!!! It was hard to deal with the scary things by myself. Now, i am more afraid of live people, than ones who have passed on.

    I have been told over the years that i am clairvoyent, pshycic, and a sensetive, as i have helped many people, but not lately. Thats another reason i stay at home a lot, as when i go out i can feel to much that is going on around me, i seem to know to much about people. I know it sounds crazy, but, i feel that i can trust you guys to say how my life is.

    My mother has just moved into an independent lliving nursing home, last weekend in fact. We looked around for the past few years to find the best one. She just loves it. The building is very old, and huge. I have talked to the maintenance man about anything strange that might go on there, and to my surprise, he told me a few stories. He was glad to have someone to talk to about it. Part of the building is more like a nursing home, with one corridor joining 2 buildings, of course, in that area there are many deaths, as some spend thier last days there. I havent visited that side yet, but am looking forward to it. He told me that on the 3rd floor, the lights seem to fade as you walk down the long corridor. Now, he is head of maintenance,, there is nothing wrong with the lighting, he also said that the air seems to get thicker as you go. There is no logical reason for any of it.

    He also told me that the cleaning staff refuse to clean certain apartments. Last weekend when my mom moved in, tha cable guy was there hooking up her tv’s, and i talked to him about it. He is there a lot, as they have over 500 apartments and rooms. He told me that twice he has been in apartments where somone had recently died, and getting it ready for the next tenant, in the bedroom of both of these apartments, he said that it felt extra cold, and actually had goose bumps all over him. He said it felt like someone was watching him. So, when i told him about what i had heard, he got really spooked.

    I do have to tell you guys this. My sister spent the first night with my mom after she moved in, and i spent the next two. Ok,, this is for real, my mom likes night lights, so the apartment was very lit up. During the night, quite a few times, i felt the comforter being pulled down, i would pull it up, and it would start pulling again,, then the sheet started. I said out loud,, ( what are you trying to do, freeze me? Then i laughed. After that, i just held onto the covers tightly… i wasnt afraid, as this type of thing happens to me a lot……

    I am 51 years old, and have story after story of my life. It feels good to finally be somewhere that i can be honest about it. I have dealt and deal with good and bad spirits. Not that i want to, its just the way it is. Some say its a gift, i dont think so….

    I am very interested in the old retirment home, and will be investigating. I just have to be careful, dont want my moms new friends to think she has a nut for a daughter. I will keep you guys up to date with whats going on.

    God Bless, and take care

  15. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    To KL, something that some people dont understand is, i have forgiven the boy. The demon that was in him, was not him. I looked right into his face, and it was distorted, i knew that was a demon. I have forgiven the boy, as i knew him very well, and he really loved my daughter.. Somewhere along the way he took a dark path, and it took him over.

    IN fact, when my daughter met him, she was going through a very bad deppresion, from what her father had done to her as a child, it didnt know about all of that at the time, another story!!!! But, this boy brought her back from the hell she was in. He basically saved her life. Strange story, very strange to write down. He was very sweet to her for a while, he started changing when i got engaged to my second husband. We have figured out that he must have been jealous. I guess he felt like he was the man in our lives!!! You know, he fixed all of the little things, and that sort of thing, then another man was around helping….

    Anyway…. when things started getting very bad, amber broke up with him.. i didnt know how bad things where untill after she was dead, and her friends told me… I wish i had known.. her friends have felt so guilty for not saying anything, but i have told them, hey!!!! amber told you guys to keep your mouths shut, and you did, because she trusted you… Her friends and her neices have taken her death very hard also.

    My house was always full of children, you know the house on the block where all of the kids hang out!!! that was us, and i was always right there with them all… it always seemed that i have a house full of kids, and loved it…… All of that ended when lucifer came to visit………

  16. trolldoll1681 says:

    don’t be a stranger we all have gone thru something scary. i understand as i’ve been thru alot similar to what you have. most of us understand but there are still some skeptics. we really care and do be careful in that building love is all around you!!!

  17. trolldoll1681 says:

    it is so sad that young women today see violence is love i know i did with my kids dad. when he got angry his eyes would go from a light almost hazel brown to black. was that a demon or just rage. your story is so very important!!!

  18. Mama's chick says:

    Hi Knowtoomuch,

    I’m happy you found this forum and all of us too hun! It’s an awesome site with wonderful and caring people..
    I’m glad that your mom was placed in a good nursing home.. cause today.. their very hard to find..
    It should be interesting to see what you pick up there.. when you can go and check it out.. You’ll definately have to share your impressions with us..
    Take care honey.. and remember that we are all here for you!

    Love Mama’s chick

  19. brittney says:

    your story was very touching. i had chill bumps the entire time i was reading it. i am soo sorry for your loss. i could’nt imagine lossing my son. i dont think icould be as strong as you. i really admire you. thank you for sharing your story.

  20. elephant says:

    Hello KNOWTOMUCH,
    I don’t know what it is like to lose someone you love,but when I read your story I almost cried. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story here. You will never really be alone. We all know your story now and your daughter wll always be with you as long as you never forget her.

  21. Sai Chan says:

    1..to feel normal again, I realize now, that will never happen.
    2..she is in Heaven, and greeting everyone that comes through the gate.
    3..clairvoyant, psychic, and a sensitive.
    4..nursing home–the air seems to get thicker as you go. Bedroom felt extra cold.
    5..I can trust you guys.
    6..I am not offended by anyone’s opinion.
    7..I seem to know too much about people.

    Are you sure of what you said above?
    Do you know that much of yourself?
    Can you expect some improvements from one that is lower grade than you—non-#3 ?

    I’m standing at the pedestrian pavement looking at a house that has no doors.
    There is a sign clearly stated ‘fierce dog inside’.
    I wonder if I should walk on by.
    Or to see that a normal door should be fixed.
    It’s totally up to the owner, not the dog.
    If the owner says the dog has been around many years, kind of emotion bound.
    Fine. Will not be my business.
    I know the rule of excuses to kill a trespasser!

    KL,
    I am glad to know you. You are incredibly noble and understanding as a teenager.
    You are rare.
    I have the urge to learn how you look like. You’re just wonderful.
    Here some words for you–Evil takes the weak as a tool, and the stubborn-strong to annihilate.

  22. Jamie says:

    We’re so lucky to have such tough ladies (and probably gentlemen) here! Thank you so much, everyone, for sharing your stories!

  23. Karen M. says:

    From “A Burden Shared” It’s in little places where grief hides, jumps out to surprise us when we least expect. It’s hidden in the scent of a sweater, a perfume, a food, the sound of the river at night. Grief huddles, then leaps into the flush of a flower, the melody of a song shared, the touch of a hand to a cheek. It explodes a memory thought put well away; it’s the little things that bring back the pain. My care for you in this troubling time is but a little thing in the scheme of what you faced. It’s packaging is small and may even seem insignificant. But it is sturdy, strong, and never-ending. I bring it so you can hold it as assurance that the wounds will heal and you won’t always hurt so deeply when grief surprises you from its hiding places in your world.

  24. DarStarr says:

    Knowtomuch,
    I really think you should write a book. I feel it would be such a healing process for you. Perhaps you could advertise to have someone come in and help you with the typing if it is too difficult for you, but your’s and your daughters stories need to be told, to help others as well as yourself. Writing is such a wonderful, healing outlet! I believe it would help to purge so much from you. Please consider it. I wish I could do something, anything to help you through this.

  25. DarStarr says:

    Karen M.
    You made me cry!! That was so lovely!

  26. Karen M. says:

    Sai Chan, in the reference to the dog and the house, are you saying that she should of noticed the warning signs that something was wrong?

  27. Jamie F. says:

    Sai Chan, I didn’t understand a word of that. I hope it’s not just me. Could you explain further?

  28. Sai Chan says:

    Did I make the commotion here of giving people wrong impression?
    If I did, which I still don’t understand, I am sorry about that.
    I have to stress my intention that I do like to help.
    But it would be dangerous for me to deal with evil forces if the victim does not have truthfulness towards me.
    I had paid my price before, and I know.
    If the victim has a belief that the evil is to stay, no matter which person comes to help will be in vain and will get hurt seriously.

    M.S.—-Multiple sclerosis. It’s an immune system failure. Similar to cancer and leukemia.
    It’s the diseases, usually marked by the invasion of negative forces.

  29. DarStarr says:

    Karen M.
    I have the same question! I am a wee bit lost at Sai Chan’s posts.

  30. child like says:

    The must of married the same guy you just describe my ex husband. One evening we were sitting in opposite chairs in the living room watching tv and I just suddenly for no reason at all turned to look at him and I saw a demon inside his face looking at me while his head was turned toward the tv so Lucifer or a demon was in my ex or wanted to trick me to pass as a human. Never the less I left him and lived happily ever after with our daughter which he never once wanted to know her and now she is 16 yrs. This happen when she was two years old. I saw so scared when I saw that and that night I was paralyzed I couldn’t get off the bed, the lights were off and I could feel him walking around the our bedroom and if the lights were on but not. I felt him put some kind of liquid on my eyes, my eyes were closed it felt heavy and I could not even open them. I was paralyzed the rest of the night and can’t remember what happen that night but I know I got my strength and threw him out even-though he threaten to kill me. Of what I know he moved to Alaska and never saw him again. He had the evil in him because I saw straight thru his soul and it was evil a demon or Lucifer. I believe you. I was wearing your shoes also at one time.
    I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSE AND YOUR PAIN YOU WILL ALWAYS CARRY IN YOUR HEART. THANK GOD MY DAUGHTER WAS JUST TWO WHEN THAT HAPPEN. EVEN NOW I AM STILL AFRAID FOR MY LIFE KNOWING SOMEDAY HE WILL COME BACK LOOKING FOR ME.
    GOD BLESS US ALL………………………….

  31. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    thank you all for being so kind!!! i really needed that… August and September are very hard months for me, as thats when i lost her, and her birthday. Sept. 9, she will be 33. Yes,, will be, as far as im concerned, she still has a birthday every year.

    Sai Chan, i am also a little confused at your comment s. You seemed to pick apart my post. I was talking and venting, not putting anything into real order. To say that MS comes from a negative force,,, wow!!!!! Where did you get that idea???? Do you know anything about the illness???? Who knows,, maybe when i met lucifer in person, he cast a spell on me,,, ha-ha…..

    When anyone goes through an extreme trauma, many times thier bodies and minds break down. Maybe im not as strong as everyone thinks!!! But, i am still kicking, and will until the lord takes me home.

    Its to be expected though…. there are always people who like to pick holes!!!! I am a very honest person, and i say what comes to mind.

    You do have the right to express yourself, just like the rest of us do, freedom os speach.

    Im sending you all huge hugs tonight, including Sai Chan… i love you all, as we are all human beings, and we depend on each other to survive!!!!

    HUGS,HUGS,HUGS, :)

  32. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    childlike, i am so sorry to read that you went through such a thing… its something that sticks with you. I really think, that if a person hasnt been there, they really dont understand how terrifying it is. Hang on to all of the goodness in the world, and hug your daughter tightly!!!! i know she is the light of your life. It took a lot of guts to get away from your demon. its hard to run when you feel that you will be found and killed.

    sai chan, i am very sorry that i got so offended with your post, you probably just dont understand the situation.. hopefully, your life has been more peaceful than mine. i dont mean to be so negative, i am really a very positive person. if i wasnt, i would not have survived this long.

    dar starr, i would love to write the book, and i have started so many times, but, it consumes me to a point of total saddness…. it all just hurts me to the core. maybe one day!!!!!!!

    god bless us and keep us safe

  33. DarStarr says:

    Take baby steps, that saddness is purging. We must feel the pain to accept what can not be changed. Your daughter is with you every day, remember that, and all though it is not in the way we would like, she’s there. When you smile, I’m sure it’s the same smile you gave her, so she’s there. You are strong, the fact that you survived and keep going is proof of that. You have a whole support system here that is willing to listen and let you vent, or get angry or sad. WE ARE HERE.
    Bless you

  34. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    darstarr, thank you so much for understanding…. i do encourage others to feel the pain and work through it, i think thats how i have survived….. i also beleive that laughter is the best medicine, and try to watch funny shows on tv, and i also have a very funny sence of humor. i will be visiting my mom this weekend, so i wont be back untill beginning of the week…. by the way, she loves her new home and is making tons of friends!!!!!!

    take care all,,,,,, hugs

  35. Jamie F. says:

    KNOWTOMUCH, if you’re still kicking, and you still have your sense of humor, you are very very strong, and I admire you so much!

  36. DarStarr says:

    Knowtomuch,
    I am so glad you are taking that outlook, it truly does make a difference. We all have our down times, when we go through a bout of depression, but as long as we can pick ourselves up, that is what it’s all about!
    I’m so glad your mom loves her new home and is making friends. Her happiness, I’m sure, lifts you up as well!
    Keep your sence of humor, it is such a saving grace, it truly is. As long as we can find humor in this world, it’s a good place!
    take care and talk to you soon!!
    hugs!

  37. Karen M. says:

    “Survivor guilt”, psychologists call it, a sense of unworthiness and pain that comes when one person has outlived another. Such guilt winds a tangled trail marked by grief, both from loss and from wondering why it wasn’t us; thinking perhaps some great mistake was made, and we should have been the victim not the victor. We live, not only wondering how to face the day without the ones who’ve gone, but by dealing with our guilt and shame over being left behind. There are few answers to the questions our surviving raises. But perhaps our living gives a gift. At least the one we loved, who’s gone, does not have to bear this double loss. At least the one we loved is free of all the tangled feelings that survivor guilt delivers?

  38. Diana96 says:

    MY FRIEND HAD A CAT NAMED LUCIFER…UNFORTUNATELY, HE RAN AWAY.BUT, THE MOST SCARIEST PART ABOUT HIM THAT HE IS EXTREMLY AFRAID OF BIBLES.

  39. child like says:

    Now that is scary and strange. Was the cat black by any chance?

  40. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    Jamie, i have found that humor, really helps you heal. Amber had a wonderful sence of humor, in fact, the day of her funeral, she was telling me jokes in my head,,lol..it was very strange, her telling me jokes as i looked at her closed coffin. For many years, i thought that she was still alive, as the coroner suggested , no body view her body, as she was shot in the head with a shot gun. I read the autospsy report many times, and im glad i didnt see her after her death. I have recently thrown away that report, I know that Amber doesnt want me to live the rest of my life with such grief and pain.

    Darstarr, my mom is very happy, and that is a huge deal to me, she is my best friend. You see, when Amber was alive, Mom, me and Amber always had a very close bond. We called ourselves, the 3 musketeers,, and sometimes,, the 3 stooges,lol, as the 3 of us where always being silly and joking around. Mom and i are still the same way… My father died suddenly almost 6 years ago, that was another hugs loss, as we where all very close, as you can tell, we are a very close family, a also have an older sister. I would give my life for any of them.

    Karen, Survivor Guilt- you hit the nail right on the head!!! i have been through much therapy. you are right about living as being a gift, my surviving has made me a more commpasionate person than ever before. Some days, i wonder why the x, while he had the gun to my head, just didnt pull the trigger!!! But,, then,, i have to get over myself and know that god wasnt ready for me. The illnessess that i have also help me help others, those are also a gift. I was so so lucky to have such a beautiful daughter, inside and out. I am thankful for those 16 years.

    There is always sunshine, right around the corner, but, we have to look for it, it wont just land in our laps. We have to make the effort to find comfort. The pain is still there, and i cry many days, but, i am a survivor…..so, whatever negative forces come my way, i am ready for them. God protects me!!!!

    I have many stories of survival in my life, this is only one. I will talk about it as time goes on. This is the worst!!!!

    God bless you all, and keep your chins up, as my dad would say!!!!! Smile at someone, and make thier day! It doesnt take much to show love……..

  41. DarStarr says:

    Knowstoomuch,
    You are SUCH an inspiration! I can’t even begin to tell you. And believe me, I know how much the loss hurts when you are a close family. I lost my mom in August of 2008, she lived with my sister and I and to say we were close is an understatement. It is so hard, and there ARE days when you will cry, and that’s ok. It breaks my heart when people apologize for crying, there is no need to! It is a natural, cleansing thing, and as bad as we feel when the tears come, they do wash away some of the pain.
    I am just so in awe of you! You have such a wonderful spirit and caring way, and I wish there were more people out there like you!!!
    God bless you.

  42. D.R. says:

    I was one of those people who said I would never let a man hit me or abuse me. The most ignorant statements are: “She must like it or she’d leave” or “How could she let her kids go through that?”. I call it ‘mind f*ing’. Excuse me for that term, but that’s exactly what it is. I think of the the times I had the chance to leave my abuser and didn’t and the effect it had on my kids because I didn’t. It’s hard to forgive myself. The reason a woman doesn’t leave is because Satan grips her mind through her abuser and she sees no other life. As he held a knife to my throat while I was in the driver seat (my kids in the back seat) I was given 30 minutes to go the store and get back or he would slit my throat. I had both kids with me. I could have left and never come back. But I promise you I was back within 25 minutes. It’s not something anyone can understand unless they’ve been there. Looking back I can’t believe I lived through what I did and I can’t believe that was even me… I can’t believe it was him. I loved him. He loved me. I remember the moment I lost my husband. His eyes literally turned red and he went off on me. I never “saw” my husband again. I lived with Satan for 2 years until my Mom came from another state a rescued me and my kids. That is when paranormal things were at their height, also. When the gate is open, all hell comes through and it did. We are happy now 9 years later. It’s still hard sometimes, though. I’ll pray for you. Thank you for sharing!

  43. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    Darstarr, An inspiration,,WOW, what a wonderful thing to say. I am just trying to pass along a message, so others can get out of the grips of lucifer. If i can help just one person, i will be happy. I do know that i have purpose on this earth. I try to stay strong. Thank you so much hun,,, and God Bless

    D.R., OH!!!!! I am so sorry that you ever had to deal with the devil, and your poor children. The devil paralizes your life, and you are right, others dont understand the Terror and the brainwashing that is done. I will also pray for you and your family. Keep the Faith…..

    I have so many stories to tell, and i will in time. So many things have happened to me, even as a child. Keep an eye out for stories in the near future. I have tried to forget a lot of them, but they haunt me still to this day, and even in my dreams.

    May we all band together, and fight the evil that travels among us, AMEN

  44. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    The problem that i have had since childhood, where i was made to feel inadiquate is, i have always seemed to go for the bad guys…… i dont know if it was excitment, or just what i was used to……. I have had much abuse in my life, and feel that i could have stayed away from a lot of it….Was lucifer so strong that he had a hold on me??? i have to wonder?

    I am very spiritual, and have always had a kind heart, maybe to kind, i just dont know? I have seen so many RED flags in my life, why didnt i just run the other way when i saw this? I always thought that i could heal, and help the bad ones, and change thier lives for the better somehow!!! I never put myself first.

    These days i am trying to put myself first, sometimes, but i really dont know how……i really dont have plans for my life because i have always done for others…And thats all i can think about, maybe some type to charity work or something…. maybe being here, i can help others. I hope so!!!!!!

    There are some thing going on in my life right now with major Red flags, but its to do with my husbands grown kids… We have been through hell with them before, and im afraid its about to start up again. Hate to say it, but,, they are 2 evil kids,, well they are in thier 20′s, but coniving, manipulating, ect: im sure you will here some stories about them in the near future also, and things they have done to us….

    anyway,, all for now,,, sleep tight all :)

  45. jennieboo says:

    Caretaker is right. i cant remeber were ive heard this exactly from i want to say a movie. anways people seem to think the devil is red with horns and a pitchfork and that he comes to your back door. no the devil is agod looking fellow that will come right up to your front door with a smile.

  46. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    my husband has also seen lucifer a few times in his life. That brings to mind my x mother in law, years ago as her daughter ( my x sister in law) lay dying with cancer, in fact she died the next day, my husband and i went to visit with her. My x mother in law has brown eyes, my husband swears that all he could see was black. He still talks about that.

    Strange thing is, when my dad died, almost 6 years ago, my x mother in law was there at the funeral, my husband said her eyes looked brown and normal. I have said in an earlier post about my x husband and his brown eyes turning black, when he would get mad.

    Lucifer defiinatly runs rampant in that family, i knew that years ago when i was married to my x.

    My husband still talks about that womans black eyes on the eve of her daughters death. It really freaked him out.

  47. Desirae says:

    Wow! How courageous you are! Thank you for sharing and God Bless.

  48. Cez-r , Nor Cali says:

    Hey guys, Ummm to knowtomuch I really don’t know what to say. All I can say is Sry for your losses and violent expieriences. I admire your courage. I tend to act like I’m really tough and strong about things but inside I’m really sensitive and caring . Though I have a vengetive And hateful side aswell. Though this not mean I would harm anyone, NEVER! When ppl tell me do you believe in god? I say of course. But I think I’m afriad to say I honestly dunno. I’m at a point in my life where I doubt god, ghost,demons, spirits etc. I wish I was closet to god I really do. I would make my life better by alot. Anyway the reason I said this is to say that I wouldn’t have the guts to deal with this I dunno how I would live. Maybe I’ll go to exile in my own world I dunno ! This site helps me believe in God and spirits etc, becuaze if there’s bad thiers good! If there is a lucifer there’s a GOD! thanks for the post! Excuse my bad grammer…..m/19/north Cali

  49. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    cez-r,,,, i will say this, you have a lot more guts than you know. we all want to escape at times. I have often wondered how it would be to live way up in the mountains alone.. the answer,, i would be lonely….It all gets to me too. But, day after day i survive, and you will too. Some people say that i am strong, i think its more of survival. I wont let the devil take me down.. No Way!!!!!!!!! I will stand firm,,, life is for the living, so we all have to stick together. if i can help you in any way, please let me know….. Never give up, or give in!!!!!

    take care hun,, we all have our own good and bad…. and its something we have to work out..

  50. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    WHAT DOES LUCIFER LOOK LIKE?

    I have told you a little of my daughters death. Before she was shot and killed by her x boyfriend, he has a shotgun to my forhead, saying to me, over and over, im going to kill you b…….. i talked to him very quietly and softly, dont really remember what i was saying, but,,, his face was distorted…. very wide, and it looked like he had another face on the side of his face.. i know it doesnt make sence….

    the next day when the papers got a hold of his mothers side of the story, she held up a picture that i had never seen as she had been getting it framed, this was a self potrait of himself that he did in junior high school. this boy was now 20…. the picture was exactly what i saw in front of me. It all seems like a dream, but i know it is real.. it haunts me every waking and sleeping hours.

    His voice was low and harsh, not the boy i knew for 3 years. I know it was the devil himself. I stared into his eyes the whole time, i wanted to make sure that when he shot me, my eyes would be the last thing he would see, and he would hopefully freak out and run away and leave my daughter alone….

    Thats when things got twisted……. time stood still but was flashing by quickly. My body went numb, i could not hear, but, i did hear the gunshot, when he killed my neighbor, then i saw my neighbor come out the door. I felt a hand push me, and make me run. I kept on stopping, and the hand kept on pushing me to get away.. I have so much guilt for leaving my daughter, but, i know it was god protecting me and saving me. it was not my time!!!!!!

    Thats the hardest of it all, i wanted to give my life to save Amber. God said no. God still says no. He wants me here, my work here on earth is not finished. I know that……

    Amber just turned 33 on 9-9-09, the last time i saw her, she was almost 17.

    I wont let lucifer win,,, and he tries every day. I cast him out often. I have purpose….. God lets me know what i need to do.

    I am sending you all a blessing tonight. Live your llife to the fullest, and help others as often as you can, even if its just a smile, or a kind hello….

  51. Jonathan says:

    With the utmost respect to KNOWTOMUCH, but why always lucifer. I get that most of you are christian on this site but even if there is an actual lucifer why him. Why can’t it just be evil. Some inhuman entity possesing or influencing the living. I have made comments before about such. Its amazing to me how peopel see through one set of eyes. Growing up Jewish (which isnt that far off since christinaity grew out of such) you get to stand back and watch from the outside as everyone sees through one set of eyes, crosses on vampires or all evil being lucifer. I have tried so much in my adult life to see with so many people’s eyes and get different perspectives because sometimes they can help you understand the universe in whole.

    By no way is this an attack but a request for everyone to take a breath and look at a situation from all sides. Because the better we understand the evil the more prepared we are against it.

    Your story was good and all in all a good point to watch out because evil rarely is disgusting, its tempting, its easy, it’s seductive. Otherwise we would have nothing to fear.

  52. Mystics says:

    @@. My eyes would sometimes turn yellow to red. Do I consider myself as Lucifer????
    What nonsense is that.

  53. shana says:

    but..who’s lucifer?

  54. Karen M. says:

    Shana, Lucifer is another name for Satan or the devil!

  55. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    this post actually started from another topic, ( caretaker ) put this topic in, as someone had asked, what does Lucifer look like…. if you go to the top of the posts, you will see how it started!!! I totally agree, evil is evil, whatever you want to call it. Negativity, i would say!!!

    All i know is, what i saw was pure evil, whatever you want to call it…….could have been lucifer, satan, the devil, a demon, i have no clue, but i do know it was pure evil……..

    i was just giving my opinion, thats all…. i really dont think it has anything to do with being Christian or not. Evil is just evil, plain and simple.

    I guess i just wanted to warn others of the evil that lurks….. you see, this boy was a very well mannered, and very smart. Over time i saw him change….for the worse.

    I would be interested in others peoples stories about seeing the physical evil in a person. Mine was just a very extreme case!!!!

    take care all

  56. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    you are also right on !!!! evil does come in pretty packages, and can be very charming…..

  57. ghost finder says:

    a long time ago i thought my friend had the same problem

  58. gandolfo says:

    stay away from mean people? i never would have thought of that….

  59. Karen M. says:

    Mystics, I think you didn’t read this story well enough, the author is reffering to the evil in the boy that killed her daughter it’s not about eye color changing, she means that evil can come in many forms and diguises, that’s why she is refering to “lucifer”!

  60. anonymous says:

    You are right, Lucifer comes in many forms! For me SHE came in the form of a five foot three beautiful portuguese girl who killed my cats,, sold my dog…stole all of my cloths… threatend to beat up my mother…I aslo lost three jobs because of her.. and thousands of dollars in emergency room visits, ( a total of 92 stitches to the head, hands, back. AND YES, EVEN THE GROIN!!) That was the devil for me!!!
    pray for ME!!! and God bless

  61. trolldoll1681 says:

    anonymous, i hope you got this she-devil thrown in jail!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  62. DarStarr says:

    Anonymous,
    That is awful! Evil DOES come in many forms and always has. We are here on earth for such a sort time, yet the battle of good vs evil has always been here and always will be. I hope you got rid of her.

  63. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    wow, anon, she was definatly pure evil, thats for sure……..the thing is, once you have been around such evil, as i was with my first husband when i was very young, it makes you very paraniod, and untrusting. Maybe thats a good thing, maybe it makes us more aware!!! Really,, it makes you afraid to trust anyone…… i would love to hear the whole story of that evil woman…….

  64. NimNod the She Goat.... says:

    Wow….Thats powerful.
    True Lucifer was a good looking Angel as I recall, so you cant go by the looks thats for sure.

  65. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    mystics——why do your eyes turn other colors?????? maybe its not nonsence!!!!!! i woud be concerned if my eyes turned yellow to red… now, we arent talking about the white part, you know that dont you?????

  66. anonymous says:

    I did finally get myself far,far away from her, but it was very hard! It took several “escapes,” then I would foolishly go back. She would do something drastic again, I would get away, then go back. It was a bad cycle for a while until physically and financially, it was getting harder and harder to bounce back from each “episode.” What made it so hard is she could at times be sweet and kind, and she also had a way of making you(me) feel so guilty, but then her personality could and would do a complete opposite on the snap of a finger! She would go from being a sweet little thing to a maniac in a severe rage. She would just be in a complete rage.

  67. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    mystics, i am still curious about your eyes changing color?????

  68. Manik says:

    Yea Eyes changing color ,CONFUSED MAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN OF CHANGING COLORS OF EYES knowtomuch i think he/she is not willing to say the real thing here

    To Anonymous Strange experience of urs better submit it as a singe story we will be glad to hear ur full experience THEN IS SHE PHYSICAL CAN U TOUCH HER IS SHE POSSESSED OR JUST A FREAK TRYING TO SCARE U.

  69. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    manik,,, i would love to hear about the eyes changing color story also….. i have seen it in others, but my eyes have never changed color…. ktm

  70. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    Who else has seen lucifer??? face to face??

    • GirlRacer says:

      I’ve seen evil. I lived it for 2 years non-stop. I put my comments in another story.

      I’ve witnessed different forms of inhuman evil.

      I was a very staunch athiest. Did not believe in anything. This is going to sound strange and look weird….

      I was asleep and woke up one day, about 5am. I have no idea, I sat bolt upright in the bed and burst into tears.

      I just remember thinking ‘can’t be right, I’m an athiest’ – but I felt like I was lying to myself. Some inexplicable nagging feeling kept on at me.

      I fell asleep again, and I never remember dreams, but this was lucid. The colours were brilliant. I was standing in the street watching people go about their business. One guy was looking back at me. I walked over to him, but in my dream I was transparent. I got there, and the kindliest face greeted me. I had never felt joy like it. I went to speak, and the guy quietened me. He said ‘welcome home’ and I knew that I had accepted the creator.

      I’ll tell my other experiences, I just wanted to tell you, absolute good exists too.

      And I think you’re a good person. You are one of lifes shiners.

      -I’m not religious I cannot abide by religion, in any form-

  71. understandsall says:

    how do we know if lucifer is evil. after all he was an angel of light and how can light be evil isn’t it suposse to be associated with darkness. what if we were decived to believe he is evil then wouldn’t it mean everyone else follow the wrong force which would mean our own destruction which seems to be happening now with all the chaos in the world.after all he is describe with golden eyes hair and wings and being pure perfection and beauty that no other surpasses and never will not even other gods it is also describe as it to be blinding at first glance.

  72. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    understand,,,,,, we all have our own beliefs…… from my experiences,, lucifer, the devil, satan, whatever you want to call him or her is pure evil… or,, we can just call it evil……

    i have stared evil in the face many times in my life!!! the boy that killed my daughter, i had known for 3 years, i knew that this was not him,,, you see, your body is a vehicle,, whats inside your soul can be good or evil…..

    the soul inside his body, that day, was not his… his face was distorted!!! his voice was low and gravely.. it was not the boy i knew.. he would have never done what he did… kill 2 people, then take his own life…

    i dont know if i answered your question,, probably not!!!! as far as lucifer being good??? no way!!!!!!!

    ktm

  73. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    I wanted to keep this thread alive, as it does pertain to ( domestic violence, and abuse) i feel that many here have been through a lot of terrible experiences in thier lives!!!! Thanks to Caretaker, he posted this for me….. i havent posted the whole story,, maybe , one day i will… just hard to talk about…

    I really hope that this story ,, the,, in a nut shell version!! will help some of you…. going through what i have,… it really opened up the paranormal world to me,, it was always there, but, now,, the doorway is wide!!!

    i have read so many posts,,, from every age!! so many of us here deal with stress, anxiety, fear, anger, depresion, self mutilation, nightmares, social anxities,, and so forth… if i can help any of you in any way,, i will try…

    being here has helped me so much!! i have said, many times,,, Caretaker is wonderful,, he really does take very good care of all of us, and takes so much time to read all of our posts…

    i have been on many websites over the years, and have never had so much support and love, as i have here….

    luv you all,,,,, ktm

  74. UNKNOWN ANGEL says:

    if all of you, want to be prepared for devils like that!! Know God! Then, you will not fear devil anymore….

  75. KNOWTOMUCH says:

    unknown,, i dont fear the devil,,, thats what he wants us to do.. he feeds off fear…. just the same as demons, evil, bad spirts,, and so on…. i trust in God with all of my heart, and always have….. but,, you made a good point……

    you dont have to delve into evil to find it… its all around us….. just waiting for the right moment, and it will find it,, we just have to stay strong in our faith when it does……

    you would be very proud of me for having no fear when i had shotgun to my forhead, and was almost killed.. my daughter on the other hand, was not so lucky…

    God bless us all,,,,, ktm

  76. izumi says:

    I know what you’re going through. I have lost two of my best friends whom I’m known since I was 5 this year. I just miss them so much but I truely don’t know what your going through. Losing a family member would be so awful. Today is the 8th week without one of them. They died three months apart, though. I know they’re around me but its just so hard.

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