Hi guys my name is Kathy and I want to share an experience I wouldn’t call ‘normal’.
Well, my grandma passed away this June. She’d been with me for the first sixteen years of my life. She looked after me more than my mom did. We’d always been super close. But lately I found myself disliking her more and more everyday possibly because I’d heard a lot about her nature when she was young. She ruled the house with an iron hand and was an extremely haughty and vain woman. She was proud of her beauty (she was gorgeous) and the plush life she led. I tried not to dislike her, but those negative emotions just grew inside me like unwanted weeds. She was just as polite and loving, but I was being incredibly rude and neglecting.
As they say, you realize the worth of something only after it’s gone, I can feel the anguish and guilt in my heart soaring day by day. I’ll always remember that day – June 7, 2009. Gran had always been complaining about being ill but nobody really paid heed to her because she’d pace up and down whole day and yet complain about her inability to walk down a lane. The doctors too didn’t find anything wrong with her body except normal aging. But that day and the day before, I saw her in the worst state she could be in. She was drowsy (it was because of the strong drugs the psychiatrist prescribed) and spent an entire night vomiting (and the poor thing hadn’t had a nibble!). I slept in the same room and just seeing her that way made my eyes wet.
The next day (June 7), I had to go to a blind school to write an exam for a blind candidate. She’d fallen down from her bed before I left and she didn’t realize that her face was streaked with blood! Further she was rubbing a candy on the wound so that she could get rid of the burning sensation. You can imagine her mental state now. After I was done with the dressing, I asked her to take care and left.
It must be 4:30 in the evening and I was still writing the exam when this really sad feeling took over. I had this image in my head that when I’d return home, my aunt would tell me that gran was gone. This intuition turned out to be true. She had indeed, gone. I could remember her telling me all the time – “You are my life – you step out of the house and I die.” She was right. I came to know that she was continuously asking our servant about me. I couldn’t say goodbye. She died without seeing me.
A strange thing happened a few days later – no matter what time I’d go to bed, I’d wake up at 3 am sharp. This continued for about a month until one night, I woke up and had a weird feeling inside my head. The room had always seemed odd after she left, but this oddness had increased a lot that night. I was wide awake, staring at the roof and missing her. I used to rest my head on her lap whenever I couldn’t sleep and she’d stroke my hair. The same sensation took over. I knew my head was resting on the pillow, but somehow I felt that it was her lap and I felt someone stroke my hair. I looked around and saw nothing. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. There is a difference between a hallucination and a real encounter. I knew she’d come because it was incredibly strong. My 3 am waking habit was gone by the next night. The room had lost the odd feeling. I felt at peace. I knew she was okay and she knew I was okay.
I still feel guilty, but I know she’ll always watch over me. I sometimes cry when it rains and wish she comes back, but all I have is the hollow room and an empty, guilt ridden soul. She hasn’t come back to see me again. Thank you so much for letting me share my story. Comments appreciated.
Written by Kathy, Copyright 2009 TrueGhostTales.com
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That is so sad! I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother! You really shouldn’t feel guilty tho it was not your fault. But I know how you feel. To lose a loved one and feel guilty because you should have been there but weren’t. Just remember that she loved you and wouldn’t want you to feel guilty because she is at peace.
What a touching story…it has me tearing up as I type this. I believe that your grandmother wanted you to know that she understood why you had the feelings you had when you found out about the way she had been when she was younger.
I think the guilt you feel is understandable, but unnecessary. It’s my belief that your grandmother was trying to convey that to you in your visit…no matter what negative thoughts you may have had toward the end, there is no need to feel guilty…and I believe she will continue to watch over you.
Thank you so much for sharing this story here….it will be on my mind today, I can assure you!
Well, actually I disagree, if she was so sick like that and in a mental state then why did you leave her alone, as you said “take care and then you left”??
Karen M.
Even if she did leave her grandmother alone how could she have known what the result would have been? She had to go to school to write that blind exam! It was not her fault!
I’m not blaming her, and I know that it wasn’t her fault, but how do you write an exam for a blind person, and no there is no sarcasim in that question! I think maybe she should of put off the exam for a day or two, don’t you agree, that if she was like that , that it was not a good idea to leave her alone??
Dear Kathy,
Thank you for your story.
I , too, was very close to my grandmother, and much like your situation,
she was more like a mother than a grandmother.
I think that it is very sweet that she made contact with you. Think about her as a sort
of guardian angel, she will continue to communicate with you from time to time.
If you want to speak to her, they say, before you go to sleep, focus on her, pray about her
and ask that she might visit you in your dreams. This may take several attempts, but,
eventually, you will be able to visit with her in a dream.
Don’t be sad that she has passed on to the next plane. Just think of her in a
beautiful state, where she will not ever suffer, again.
Love transends all time and space.
She will always be there for you.
Thank you, again, for sharing such a sweet and tender story.
Camille
I agree with Karen M.
Kathy, I don’t blame you either, but I would like to know why you wouldn’t postpone your appointment after she fell from bed and had bloodied her face? Also, rubbing candy ON A WOUND? I just don’t understand it either.
that is sad i am sorry that you lost your grandmother but you should not feel sorry she will always be watching over you and i am sure that she is at peace. thank you for sharing this story. and i hope you feel better.
Maybe she could not miss it but I do I see your point, I am not trying to argue with you or anything but to wright a exam for a blind person you puncher the paper with a pencil making braille symbols then they run there fingers over the priced paper and read the symbols. Hope that helped your friend Kat.
such a sad, yet sweet story. i am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. everyone knows it’s never easy losing a loved one. especially if you were very close. sounds like her visit was meant to assure you that she knows you love her, & everything is ok. i know easier said than done, but for closure, you MUST FORGIVE yourself for feeling guilty & ACCEPT it. that way, you can move forward with peace of mind.
my grammy raised me, i love her more than anything in the world, we know how pretty we are, and there’s no shame in that! it’s called confidence
don’t feel so guilty, her state of mind was failing like with dementia. i saw my sibling purposely be mean and leave my mom alone when these kinds of things happened to her. its not your fault you had things to do. you said you had a servant, and that helped. older people need continuous care. you love her and she made the effort to come back to you and let you know she did love you. she’s in a better place and at peace now. bless your heart for loving her!!
.,_so sad.,Condolence.,Hope this story can wake those heart of those people who lived their grandma to toher people.,hope everyone of us will apprecite this story.,
Thank you so much guys…
@KarenM
I used to be there all the time… It was the first time I went out leaving her with mom and others in the family… and it happened…. I feel guilty for that as well… If I’d known I’d fight god for her life…
@ Darstarr
I could not postpone it… my friend needed me desperately and I didn’t know this was gonna happen… This was probably the first time I was out… And my grandma found any dish she ate very spicy… so she ate candies to soothe the tongue… she was not in a sound mental state that day and that’s why she tried rubbing candy on the wound (it was a minor cut… nothing serious) so that she could get rid of that sensation…
Why are you people blaming a 16-year-old for not staying with her grandmother? Why put the responsibility on her? Why didn’t her mother or father stay home? They are the adults and it would have been their responsibility to take care of the grandmother.
Karen M and DarStarr,
I my opinion, you shouldn’t be so hard on Kathy.
I am sure that we have all made mistakes in our life, for which we are not proud. If somebody wants to come to this site and share their experience, they shouldn’t be chastized for it. I am sure that she has beaten herself up enough.
Jenn,
I’m not being hard on her at all, I simply asked a question and she replied, I never put anyone down for sharing their stories, if it doesn’t interest me, I don’t leave a comment, I just wanted to know and she was kind enough to answer.
P.S. Fenwinkel, you are right it should not have been her responsibility
Kathy,
Thank you, I understand. I don’t blame you in the least, I think it was more the way you wrote it that threw me off. It was like, she fell out of bed, bloodied her face and was rubbing candy on a wound – so take care, see ya later kind of thing, but I am sure you did all you could possibly do, and having cared for a grandmother myself who was suffering from dementia when I was in my 20′s I understand. And I believe she understands as well, that is why she came back to let you know.
Karen M.
Sorry for any misunderstanding. I posted my response prior to Kathy’s showing up on the page. Either way, it can be difficult to understand another person’s meaning through email, text, or thread discussions, so if I misinterpretted what you were saying, I apologize.
Jenn,
I just went back and re-read my comment and it is hard sometimes with text messages to understand, no need to apoloize!
You are so lucky to have a caring grandma WHO CAME BACK TO SEE YOU AFTER HER DEATH wow. Nice story, you shouldn’t be guilty its totally not ur fault its the time she reached her time to go to Heaven so she left but i feel sorry because u were not present in that time.
hello i am tabby i am 13 and i would just like to say its not your fullet. i to have a very strong relationship with my grandmouther my father is very ill right now and is getting a heart trainsplant and there is stuff that i did that i regret doing but i belive that if they can see us now they would forgive us and smile down on us from above.
p.s my father is not past away thank god.
tabbycat I am soooo sorry to hear about your father! I am glad to hear he is still with you!
Tabbycat,
I am sending your father ALL my prayers to get better – and I hope that all the caring people on this thread will do the same. There IS power in prayer!!!
God bless you!
thank you Darstar and kat for your kindness i realy am soo happy and to Kathy i just wanted to say that i think that your grandmouther would of appretated all you have done for her u should not feel guilty it wasent your fult.
sorry about the spelling mistakes!
No problem Tabbycat just hope everything turns ok!
THAT BOUGH A TEAR TO MY EYE…..IT MAKE ME THINK HOW MUCH I LOVE MY BEAUTIFULL NANNY…
BLESS YOU AND YOUR GRAN X
whis is all i will say
There is a difference between a hallucination and a real encounter
but it does not seem so to the one experiencing it he cannot make out the difference