Vampire Jokes

Here is a collection of vampire jokes for you to enjoy

  • Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
    A: Count Duckula
  • Q: What does a vampire fear most?
    A: Tooth decay
  • Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
    A: At a blood bank
  • Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
    A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light!
  • Q: What is Transylvania?
    A: Dracula's terror-tory
  • Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
    A: On Lake Erie
  • Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
    A: By blood vessels.
  • Q: What's the part of a restaurant where vampires don't suck blood?
    A: The non-Suckers section.
  • Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
    A: Blood vessel.
  • Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
    A: He's a pain in the neck.
  • Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
    A: Vampire camfire.
  • Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
    A: "Hello, pleased to eat you!"
  • Q: How do vampires drive around?
    A: In their bloodmobiles.
  • Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
    A: Batboy
  • Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
    A: Bat Ghoul.
  • Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
    A: The Vampire State Building.
  • Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
    A: Because he robbed the blood bank.
  • Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
    A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.
  • Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
    A: It was a stake sandwich.
  • Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
    A: A blood hound.
  • Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
    A: A neck-tarine.
  • Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
    A: Because he likes to draw blood!
  • Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
    A: His ghoul friend!
  • Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
    A: Long distance.
  • Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a computer?
    A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.
  • Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
    A: The Vampire State Building.
  • Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
    A: The girl necks door.
  • Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
    A: It's a pain in the neck.
  • Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
    A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
  • Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
    A: She bats her eyes.
  • Q: Was Dracula ever married?
    A: No he's a bat-chelor.
  • Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
    A: In a blood bank.
  • Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
    A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light!"
  • Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
    A: A thirsty vampire.
  • Q: Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
    A: Because he was coffin too much.
  • Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
    A: Coffin Drops!
  • Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
    A: Blood Light.
  • Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
    A: A blood test.
  • Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
    A: Can't you count Dracula!
  • Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
    A: Bat-miton.
  • Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
    A: A neck-tarine.
  • Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
    A: Because he likes to draw blood!
  • Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
    A: He had bat breath.
  • Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
    A: He never met a nice Ghoul!
  • Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
    A: .A fangfurter !
  • Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
    A: A jampire !
  • Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
    A: A blood hound !
  • Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
    A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul !
  • Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport ?
    A: Batminton !
  • Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
    A: He went a little batty !
  • Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day ?
    A: A coffin break !
  • Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
    A: In bite sized pieces !
  • Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
    A: The Isle of Fright !
  • Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
    A: It was in his blood !
  • Q: Who plays centre forward for the vampire football team ?
    A: The ghoulscorer !
  • Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail ?
    A: I don't know but it would slow him down !
  • Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge ?
    A: Ghouldilocks !
  • Q: Why did the vampire go to hospital ?
    A: He wanted his ghoulstones removed !
  • Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink ?
    A: A bloody mary !
  • Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
    A: The fangdango !
  • Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
    A: Ghouldfinger !
  • Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
    A: Newfangled rubbish !
  • Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food ?
    A: He wanted something to get his teeth into !
  • Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
    A: It finished neck and neck !
  • Q: Where did vampires go to first in America ?
    A: New Fangland !
  • Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
    A: All the blood relations went !
  • Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
    A: A fangster !
  • Q: What do vampires sing on New Year's Eve ?
    A: "Auld Fang Syne" !
  • Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist ?
    A: He had fang decay !
  • Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
    A: You look like your going to the dogs !
  • Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
    A: Fangsgiving day !
  • Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
    A: Join his fang club !
  • Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
    A: Because blood is thicker than water !
  • Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite ?
    A: Veinilla !
  • Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin ?
    A: It wanted to play squash !
  • Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
    A: Because they know they won't get stake !
  • Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
    A: Send your name, address and blood group !
  • Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal ?
    A: A giraffe !
  • Q: Why was the young vampire a failure ?
    A: He fainted at the sight of blood !
  • Q: What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep ?
    A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad !
  • Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee ?
    A: Decoffinated !
  • Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot ?
    A: A bite in shining armour !
  • Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
    A: A bat tub !
  • Q: What did the vampire say after he had been to the dentist ?
    A: Fangs very much !
  • Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
    A: Coffin medicine !
  • Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
    A: Fang mail !
  • Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup ?
    A: Scream of tomato !
  • Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
    A: A bat mat !
  • Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance ?
    A: The vaults !
  • Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
    A: Neck !
  • Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
    A: Because they make themselves cross !
  • Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
    A: Terror, terror on the wall... !
  • Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character ?
    A: Batman !
  • Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
    A: Because it's a drain in the neck !
  • Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first child?
    A: Frostbite
  • Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
    A: He has a bat temper.
  • Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
    A: He had a fang-ache.
  • Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
    A: They all come out at night.
  • Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
    A: To stop his coffin.
  • Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
    A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

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